Even though I am a sophomore, every time I go out I meet someone new. Not someone new as in someone I never met but someone new as in a different type of person. And here at Ithaca college, there are a lot of different people..a lot of different people. There's nothing wrong with being different at all considering I am probably the most bizarre person I know. But every time you go out, there are ten types of people that you will 100% see. And lucky for you, I identified them for you and gave you tips on how to deal with them.
1. The Overly Patriotic Parkie
Whether you are a Parkie or not, we all know that one kid you meet when you go out who can't stop talking about how they love being in the Park school. They're usually an IMC major and they like to brag about all the alumni they FaceTime with and how their ranking moved up. If you're in the Park school, just go with it, agree with them. If you don't, just nod your head and walk away, or just ask them how they feel about Syracuse's communication program. They will most likely get angry and walk away.
2. The Sports God
Probably on the football team. Maybe not. There's always that one kid that when you introduce yourself to them you say "Hi, I'm blah blah blah!" Which they usually reply with "Hi, I'm on the football team!" Thank you for that. I was dying to know. Now I want to be your best friend, but you're still going to have to tell me your name. If you come across this kid, ask them how much playing time they have. Probably not a lot.
3. The Frat Boy
If I need to explain who this boy is, you have never been to college. You all know how to deal with them if they bother you, tell them there's free beer in the other room and they will run faster than ever.
4. Moonies' Number One Fan
Ahh Moonies. The best worst place ever. There's always that one kid who just can't wait to get to Moonies. Tupac and Biggie could come back to life and be partying on Coddington but this person will still be at Moonies ordering more blue bombers than they need. If this is your friend or someone you know, just let them go by themselves. They'll be okay on their own. DJ Washburn will take care of them.
5. The WOO Girl
Every time you see her she is screaming WOO at the top of her lungs with most likely a red solo cup and a flask in her hand. She will tell you she loves you when you see her and that you're LITERALLY her best friend. She's most likely wearing a crop top and booties and yelling at some boy for changing the song. If she is leaning on you and won't leave you alone, sit her down on the couch and offer to refill her cup. Fill it with water though, she definitely needs it.
6. The Confused Cornell Kid
They're not exactly sure how they got to IC or why they're there. Most likely wearing some sort of clothing that indicates they go to Cornell. They keep asking where our frat houses are and why we don't have wristbands to get into parties. They look around like we're aliens and are a lot more sober than everyone else. If you see a really confused kid, it's probably them. Just give them $1.50 so they can take the TCAT back to their home.
7. The Party Hopper
This person will not stay in the same place for more than five minutes. Not because they have so many parties they want to go to, but because they literally will not stop complaining the second they walk in the door. Avoid this person at all costs. They'll make you follow them, and ultimately end up in the commons.
8. The Cryer
Most likely a girl, from my experience. Most likely shouting about how she hates everyone and how she thinks she's fat but also swears she isn't drunk. She is. Go to Casablanca and get her some french fries. French fries make everything better.
9. The Mooch
By the time you finish reading this they will have already stole your drink, your food and probably your car keys. Okay, maybe not your car keys but everything else you have. They also mysteriously lost their wallet yesterday so they can't pay you back for their cab. It's fine these people are easy to deal with. Run away from them or slap them. Both may be a little harsh but both are very effective.
10. Desperate as Hell
This kid will most likely never leave you alone. They are always at the party you're at and always across the room sending the "wyd?" text. If you reply "I'm about to leave to go to bed" there is a 988% chance they'll reply "haha without me? ;)" Yes. Without you. Block their number or text their best friend. They'll leave you alone eventually.
Which Ithaca kid are you when you're out?
