There are some things that you won't totally understand unless you live in a certain area. Whether it be the blizzards of western New York or the wildfires of southern California there are some weird events that nature throws at different places. In Florida and other southeastern states, hurricanes are these worst-case scenario natural events. Whether you’re a native or a visitor, there are a couple things that you probably should be prepared for if you find yourself about to endure a Florida hurricane
1. The native Floridians won’t give a f**k.
They’ve seen some shit. They don’t take the threat of a storm too seriously because their entire lives they’ve had worst-case-scenario storm warnings and they’re still here. As the rest of us start nervously whispering about getting plowed over by Mother Nature they are concerned with what they should make for dinner. They will likely post memes and twitter updates about how weak the non-natives are.
2. Your family will freak out.
Wow! I have a billion texts and ten missed calls! You'll feel very popular until you realize that all of them are from your parents. But you won’t really blame them for freaking out because all of the information they have about the storm has been coming from the gloomy news channel reports. You'll call them back and suddenly this event will feel real. You'll start running around trying to figure out what you'll need and what you'll want and where you should go and OMYGAWD A HURRICANE.
2. Everything feels surreal as you see posts and updates from your friends elsewhere going about their lives as normal.
Yes, all of your Floridian friends will be equally preoccupied with the hurricane madness, but none of your friends who live elsewhere will really know about the craziness you’re experiencing. Unless you explicitly tell them that you are evacuating or that you are in danger, they won't even be aware that you’re about to get lambasted by this freak storm and will be going about their lives as normal.
3. You'll go to the store and there will be no more nonperishable food items.
Literally none. You’ll see that the candy and cookie aisles are full like always but it is slim pickings in the peanut butter and canned soup sections. If you’ve waited more than a day after the forecasts started getting grim you are going to find nothing more than sweetened waters and the most expensive sparkling water brands like Perrier and La Croix in the water section. The bread isle will look more grim than your bank account. Seriously. You won't even be able to find hot dog buns.
4. The weather channels will be extremely pessimistic.
If you are a nervous person, don’t even watch. You’ll probably hear, with various levels of melodrama, that you are going to get swept away and that all of your belongings are as good as ruined. You’ll hear predictions of storm surges, outrageous winds, and flooding. You’ll see coverage of the hardest hit areas being pounded by rain, palm trees bending in the 100+ mph winds. You’ll see downed branches and perhaps some debris rolling down the main street. More than anything you’ll get a lot of vague promises of damage. Roof damage. Power line damage. Damage damage.
5. You’ll see a ton of reporters in the field.
They’ll look ridiculous. They'll be getting blown around and they'll be barely able to hear the news studio reporters because of all the wind blowing into their microphones. They’ll keep touching their ear microphones as they look gravely at the rain speckled camera. They’ll look a little drowned, wrapped up in their rain ponchos and hats. But they'll be the ones who will actually make you believe that the forecasts you've heard about the hurricane are true. Because you'll be sitting inside like the sensible person you are (if you haven’t evacuated) and it definitely won't look as bad outside your window as it does where the reporter stands. And secretly you'll kind of wish that you had their job. So exciting.
6. You will suddenly become obsessed with live Facebook feeds.
“Okay”, you’ll think. “Maybe the hurricane is that bad.” Some of these live feeds will look pretty intimidating. The cameras will shake from the wind, and you'll barely be able to see out of the rain-speckled camera. Is that standing water you see on the ground?! Woooooooow.
7. You'll see people doing silly things.
It may be that they are ignoring mandatory evacuation. Maybe they'll be having hurricane parties in the midst of everything. You’ll probably see people going windsurfing in the wake of the storm on huge waves. You’ll definitely see a person or two driving down the flooded streets. WHY PEOPLE?
8. You will eat more food than you should.
Yes, it was smart to stock up. Yes you needed to be prepared for the worst. But did you really need three bags of chips? The storm won’t even have started yet and you’ll already have sampled most of your “emergency food”. You won’t regret it, but you kind of will. Well, the least you could do was to face all of the grim reports with a full stomach. Very full.
9. You’ll be grateful for the people and shelter around you.
The folks you’re sheltering with will help you keep all of the madness in perspective. The shelter will help keep you safe. And the combination of the two will keep this from being an experience that you can’t handle with a good sense of humor. The real question at this point is whether or not this GD hurricane is ready for you.
You’ll be as safe and prepared as you can be and you'll be surrounded by great people. You'll have enough food, enough water, and enough entertainment that you'll get through this hurricane like the trooper you are. You should pray for the other people being affected by the storm and shouldn't do anything abnormally risky as you ride it out. But once it’s over you'll be able to tell everybody that you've survived a hurricane.
Yeah.
You badass you.
