Let’s face it. Weddings are stressful as hell. Between paying and organizing for venues, dresses, food, and honeymoons, to making sure that your best friend from high school doesn’t sit at the same table as their ex-boyfriend, it’s pretty much a full time job planning a wedding. But after being engaged for over a year, I’ve realized the most stressful part of it all is the questions.

Yes, the questions. Everyone from your barista to your best friend, asking you every little detail about the wedding, your relationship, your future plans, whether or not you’ll have a vegetarian option at the wedding…it gets a little crazy.

And yeah, it’s not just gay couples that experience the questions. It’s everyone. How many kids are you gonna have? How many people are invited to the wedding? Is the ceremony religious?

We get it. Weddings are a happy time. Two people deciding they want to spend the rest of their lives together. It’s beautiful. It really is. But I’m a lady marrying another lady, and I’ve started to notice that a lot of the questions I get are things you’d never ask a straight couple.

So here we are friends, ten funny questions you always seem to get when you are engayged.

(Fair warning: These are questions more aimed at two women getting married, but can totally be applied for two men, if you change the words around)

1.Wait so…are you BOTH wearing dresses? Or is one of you wearing a tux? I think it’d be cute if one of you wore a tux.

Actually, we’re having a nudist ceremony. Nothing more romantic than wearing nothin’ at all.

No, but seriously, why does it matter? Some people get married in Hawaiian shirts or sweats. Why is it such a big deal if I’m wearing pants? Also, is there some sort of limit to how many bridal dresses can be worn to a wedding? Is it just one?

2.Who proposed to who? Oh…you both proposed to each other? Weird.

Yup. I wanted to marry her and she wanted to marry me. So we both asked. Sure, it was more ceremonial than anything, but yes, we did. Wait, you know a straight couple where they both proposed? Didn’t Monica propose to Chandler on Friends? Oh yeah. We’re no different.

3.Who’s having bridesmaids and who’s having groomsmen?

Well, actually at my wedding there won’t be any grooms at all, so therefore no groomsmen. But hey, we will have bridesmaids and bridesmen. WHOA, you mean that women can have close personal friends that are male? Yes, my dear friends. Women can. Even GAY women. Our bridal party is made up of people we love that we want to be with us on the most important day of our lives. Weddings don’t have to be so gender focused.

4.Who’s last name are you taking?

Well, since I’m such a Bradjelina fan, we were thinking of just combining our last names into one brand new name. Hey, it’s better than a messy hyphenation.

Actually, who cares? Maybe I’ll take her last name. Maybe she’ll take mine. Maybe we’ll just have first names like Madonna or Cher. It’s not something that women who get married to men are asked, even though more and more opposite sex couples aren’t going the traditional route with last names. So why am I getting asked this? Again, it’s because everyone is so focused on gender when it comes to weddings.

5.If you have kids, are you going to adopt or have a sperm donor? Who’s gonna carry the baby? Isn’t that expensive?

First of all, you just asked me if I will be putting a stranger’s semen up my vagina in the foreseeable future. Isn’t that kind of weird and personal? Right? I don’t ask you what you do with your vagina. Maybe I will get a sperm donor, or maybe I’ll fall in love with a cute seven year old foster kid, and decide to adopt him. Who knows!

Lots of opposite sex couples get asked if they’re having kids. Totally normal question. But you’re not going around asking the woman if she is fertile, or if she can have kids, right? That’d be rude, right?

Additionally, isn’t it also rude to ask people about money? That’s still a thing, correct?

6.Who’s walking down the aisle first?

I dunno, we’ll flip a coin. Again, just because in opposite sex weddings, the man goes first, it suddenly becomes a big deal when there’s two women! Does that mean that neither of us can walk down the aisle since we’re women? Should we just teleport to the alter?!

7.Who gets to throw the bouquet/garter? Can guys even participate?

See all of the above. Seriously, I never realized how gendered weddings were until I started planning my own.

8.Oh my gosh, when gay marriage got legalized, I was SO excited for you. Congratulations!

Thanks. :)

9.Will a church even allow you to get married there?

Wait, we can married other places other than a church, right? Maybe we’re not even religious. Also, thanks for the reminder that some people out there still don't like us.

10.Are your parents okay with it?

Okay friends, here’s the deal. Number 1-9 were funny. Clearly people are hyper-focused on the fact that my wedding will be missing a groom. That’s okay. Same-sex marriage is still relatively new to society, it’s okay to be a little thrown off guard. But this is the question I have a problem with.

Hey, are your parents against who you are as a person? Did you parents kick you out for being who you are? Do your parents hate you? Do you want to recall some of your worst memories?

For some people, that’s essentially what you’re asking them. Yes, by the way, my parents are okay with me getting married to a person I love. And so are my fiancee’s. But guess what? Not everybody has that luxury. They just don’t. So for you to ask them about something that could potentially be something they’re really sensitive and hurt about, kinda sucks. Why are you asking this in the first place?

At the end of the day, I’m not mad, or annoyed, really. 90% of these questions aren’t offensive at all, just funny, silly, or a little rude. Rude like, burping in public, not like calling me a slur. So don’t worry if you’ve asked one of these, it’s okay, really. But think about it. Why are you asking these things? Why are you so concerned with the setup of my wedding?

Is gender that important?