It's a struggle, but it makes me who I am.
I don't know how yours is and you don't know how mine is, nor will I ever try to say I understand yours. Everyone is different, as is the stress and anxiety. There is a big difference between getting anxious for a test, versus getting anxious just because. That's how my anxiety is. This is my version.
When you Google anxiety, multiple definitions come up. The typical definition of anxiety is "a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome". However, the psychiatric definition is "a nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks". There is a very big difference between the two. If you don't understand the second one, that is great. But for those of you who do, just remember you are not alone.
Here's an example:
I wake up, and remember that I didn't get all through prewriting my class notes. I'm going to get behind. I won't know what's going on in class. I'm going to fail the exam. I'm going to fail the class. I'll have to drop out. I have to figure out a back up plan. What am I going to do? I start freaking out, I may start crying or get mad at myself, and if someone tries to talk to me I might get mad at them.
And with that, is the first hour of my day.
As long as I stay busy, I'm fine. But when I allow myself to think, that is when it starts to hit. I've always been one to overthink. I love thinking, but as I got older and realized I remember more memories than most people, I realized my overthinking wasn't always a blessing. Because of how my memory works, I feel something just as strongly as the first time I felt it. No matter how much happiness or sadness it was, it happens. And when I remember something not so great, it begins to spark the anxiety. It's something that feels like it's attacking you, that it's closing in on you and you don't know why.
Since I also have ADHD, I take medication and do things to try to help myself. The medication also helps with my anxiety, mostly because it helps me not to jump so much in my thoughts. But once the medicine wears off, it's the anxiety's fair game. It might decide to hit, or it might not. It changes. Some days it's bad, some days it's good. Some days I don't want to go outside, but I know I have to. Because when you let the anxiety win, it only wants to win more.
If you know someone with anxiety who has panic/anxiety attacks, it's not always easy to know what to do. Don't get upset with them if they can't tell you how to help, because it honestly isn't the easiest thing to think of. Just be reassuring. Don't tell them they're thinking wrong and that it doesn't need to be happening, because for that person they are having an attack to cope with something. Do not yell or get angry, for it will only make it worse. Talk calmly. Rub their back. Find a stress stone (a stone with a duvet in the middle) and have them rub their thumb on it. Try to calm them without trying too hard.
If you have anxiety, try to find something or someone to help. Talk to someone. I've figured out ways to help it, because it might get better, but it happens. Just surround yourself with good people who want to help you.
If you or someone you know needs help, click here for a list of numbers, or keep this number somewhere you'll remember:
Suicide prevention hotline: 1-800-273-8255 .
You are not alone, no one knows your story exactly and no one experiences exactly what you do. But we're all there. So you're not alone. Remember that. Stay strong and fight on.
