Well, you've found that special someone, whether that someone is your significant other or your best-friend soulmate. You two just get each other, and you click on almost every level, except one, and it's kind of major: you're an extrovert, and they're an introvert. Try as you might, you just don't understand all of their little quirks. You want to party hop, but after making the first appearance, they're ready to turn in. You want to catch dinner every night of the week after class, but most nights, they might give you an excuse, or they might straight-up tell you they just aren't feeling it. You want everyone to meet your person, but they beg you not to lead them into a crowd. Don't worry, it's nothing you're doing wrong. You two just get your sources of energy differently. You, the extrovert, gains energy from being around people and interacting with them, while your introvert, on the other hand, is energized by taking some alone time. This doesn't mean they hate people or don't want to spend time with you. They probably love people, and they definitely want to spend time with you. It can just be draining and overwhelming for them to spend extended amounts of time with people, especially large groups. Here are some things to remember that can help you understand that introvert in your crazy life of extroversion.
They want to go to the party with you, just let them have an out.
It's not that they don't want to go, they just get worn out pretty quickly from all that social interaction. Find a compromise. Go for an hour, then excuse yourselves and take it somewhere low key. They don't want to kill your party vibe, but they also don't want to make small talk and deal with drunk friends (or worse, strangers) all night.
Speaking of small talk...just skip it.
There are two important things to know about introverts:
- They are born listeners.
- They love introspection.
Small talk forces them to actively uphold the conversation with arbitrary subject matter, and it is awkward and unsatisfying for them. You're giving them a side salad for dinner when they ordered the quarter pound burger. Introverts want to skip the surface level and get inside your head, and, if you're one of the chosen, let you inside their own. This is another reason the typical party setting is not always peachy keen for your introvert.
Your introvert may seem more outgoing around you because you make them comfortable. In a group, it's like putting on a show.
And it may be a very theatrical show with lights and smoke and no visible wires. But just like any performance, it becomes exhausting. Many introverts flip a switch and become "on" when they enter a group. It may seem confusing that they feel the need to do this and find it so difficult or tiring. You may have trouble understanding why they seem outgoing one second and clam up the next. You might wonder why they aren't acting like they always do when they're with you. Take it as a compliment, really. They're comfortable and relaxed enough around you that when the two of you are just hanging out, they can let their true colors show. That means you're doing something right.
Prepare your introvert for the situation.
While social gatherings can be overwhelming and exhausting for an introvert, social gatherings with complete strangers are another monster completely. Don't ever blindside your "I" with that. Talk about overload. There isn't the comfort of familiar faces, and there is sure to be incessant get-to-know-you type small talk. Give them a heads up, at least, and try to be understanding when they're a zombie by the end of the night.
Introverts can be the most fun people in the right settings.
It's all about the introvert being in a comfortable situation with people who understand, as well as allowing them to recharge afterward. It's always the quiet ones, right?
Be Courteous. Don't Call.
If there is an option, don't make an "I" talk. This goes back to the inclination for introspection. In a vocal conversation, you're required to be much more quick thinking. Introverts enjoy writing because it gives them the chance to say what's really on their heart and mind with less pressure. They have time to ponder and can live up to their full potential for eloquence. Need to tell them something that's (let's be honest here) not urgent enough to require a phone call? Send a text. Your introvert will be relieved you did.
Let them have alone time.
It doesn't mean they don't totally enjoy and cherish the time you spend together. Maybe they spent a lot of time around people all day, and maybe it was less than fruitful. You haven't done anything wrong, your introvert just understands that it's time they take a break. You're doing the best thing you can at the moment by respecting that wish to be alone for little while.
You know you've made it to a sacred place with an introvert when you are allowed to be a part of their alone time. When "I've had a long day, I think I'll just stay in," turns into, "I've had a long day, want to come over and watch Netflix?" you are in a very special place. They do not see you as a further drain on their life force. Welcome. Not many people are allowed here. Literally.
Your introvert loves you and they love spending time with you.
Don't ever take a request to be alone or to leave a party or anything of that nature as the introvert saying they don't love being around you. It's not that at all. This introvert has chosen to take on all the fun, loud, craziness that is hanging out with you, an extrovert, and they love every second of it. Just learn how to respect their needs, and teach them how to respect yours.
Don't know what you are? You can find out here!
