Dear T,

Most of these letters I have written have been vague and nonspecific. However, I realized that this year I want to speak the truth, and I think the best way to speak the truth is to be credible in the people involved. So I am getting a little braver with this one.

You deserve to be called out. After nine months spent with you, there are things that need to come to light--things that I deserve to put out for the world to see. T, this one is for you.

So that everyone who reads this article understands, there is no explanation for the things you put me through. You have no excuse, and I do not want your lame apologies. There is nothing you can say to me anymore that can fix the damage between us.

We met like most people do--at a party with a bit of alcohol in both of our systems. The room and moments were hazy. People crowded the room, and we only talked long enough for you to get my social media. It was nothing interesting about our first encounter, and to be honest, I did not see it leading to anything more. Just by looking at you make your circle around the room, I could tell that you did not want anything serious. You hugged every girl that came up to you. You danced with so many women that night that it was as if you were a magnet to every shaking booty in the area.

So I dismissed our encounter and said to my friends, "I'm not interested," and went on about my night.

You had my social media for two months before you actually conversed with me. It took you two months to swipe up on one of my pictures on Snapchat.

After that, you could say that you had me under a spell. You were everything I dreamed of in a man--older, intelligent, successful, cute. The man I imagined myself marrying was standing in front of me.

In the beginning, we had it so well. I believed everything you told me, and it felt as if the thing between me and you was unbreakable.

I went to visit you after exchanging messages between one another for a month. We went to our first party together, and that when things began to get suspicious. I tried my best to enjoy the party, but I could not remove my eyes from you as you made your rounds around the party. It was evident that you were popular and considered the life of the party. Not only did you know every single person who was in the room, it looked as if you had a connection to every other girl that was there. I literally would watch you from across the room as you entertained various females with jokes and kisses and hugs that I should have been getting.

It was like everything you would do with me in private, you were doing with other women in public. I felt dirty as I watched you kiss other girls in front of me. It felt as if a layer of dirt had covered my skin as I watched the guy I had begun to open with charm other women like I was not even there for him.

I tried to talk to you about it that night, but you brushed me off.

"You're over-exaggerating. Those girls are nothing."

So I blamed it on the green-eyed monster rearing its ugly head and pretended like nothing was wrong.

Then, it happened again.

Except for this time, I was being confronted by a girl who called you hers.

Imagine that. Here I am, telling people that I am accounted for. I stopped texting other people. I stopped entertaining other dudes. I did it all for you, thinking you were doing the same for me, only to find out another girl was calling you her man.

I tried to talk to you again, but you brushed me off again.

"You're over-exaggerating. Those girls are nothing."

So I blamed it on the jealous girls and pretended like nothing was wrong.

You were the kind of guy who knew everything to say. You knew all of the words to say and all of the things to do to have me come running back to you.

It's funny because I stayed around despite you doing the same thing to me over and over again. Over and over again, you got caught with another girl.

Being cheated on is the worst feeling in the world.

Suddenly, I was comparing myself to the other girls. What does she have that I don't have? Why am I not good enough for him? How am I not enough? Instead of wondering what you were looking for, I was questioning what I was lacking. You destroyed my self-esteem by repeatedly choosing another woman. Yet, I stayed around.

"You're over-exaggerating. Those girls are nothing."

Our worse days were the end.

I would watch as you kissed other women in front of me.

"You're over-exaggerating. Those girls are nothing."

I would receive messages from other girls, proving you have been entertaining them as well.

"You're over-exaggerating. Those girls are nothing."

Every other day, another girl would expose you.

"You're over-exaggerating. Those girls are nothing."

What made the pain worse was you never saying sorry. Every single time you got caught cheating on me yet again, you refused to be a man about it. You never admitted to me what you were doing, and you always made the other girls seem like the crazy ones even when I had tangible proof.

In our last few months, I decided to come to you and stay with you for a weekend getaway from all the pain and drama you had caused but would not admit. Those few fleeting moments were one of the happiest moments of my life. We laid in bed until noon, and we kissed under the stars. We were never separated for long, always needing physical contact to remind each other that despite our troubles, we would always be each other's peace. During these days, I remembered everything I loved you for. When we were alone, you were my solace. When no one else was involved, we were inseparable.

It all led up to the day I saw your phone. I have never been the girl to investigate her man. I always wanted to be the girl who trusted her man, but you had pushed me to the brink. On your phone, there were messages being sent to hundreds of girls. The same "good morning" texts I had been getting was a rough draft that was being sent to ten other females. The same memes you sent me throughout the day were being passed around to various other girls. You were telling other girls you were going to see them while I laid in the bed with you.

I have never felt so dirty. You had lied to me--straight to my face, and I could do it no longer. I confronted you again this time, completely intent on telling you exactly what was on my mind. However, you disregarded my confrontation again.

"You're over-exaggerating. Those girls are nothing."

But I did not want to hear that anymore. I wanted you to feel my pain pouring out of me, so I yelled over your excuse. I yelled, and then, I pushed you back in your chest in an attempt to get your attention on what I was trying to say. However, when I began to yell at you again to get my point across, your hand came flying like a whip and made contact with my face.

Completely shocked, I backed away and stayed silent.

"You're over-exaggerating. Those girls are nothing."

It was not the first time, but it would not be the last time either--never a hit too hard to make me leave, just hard enough to keep me quiet with some thoughtful gifts to make sure I stayed around.

"You're over-exaggerating. Those girls are nothing."

I stayed with you for almost a year. I stayed and fell deeper and deeper in love with you. I fell in love so hard that all it took was another apology to bring me back. I fell in love with you even though I was never the only one. I fell in love with you completely aware that you would never love me back enough to be only with me.

I don't know how I got you out my life, and I am not sure if I ever really did. I think at some point I just had to cut you out my life for a while like a bad infection.

Sometimes, however, I remember those moments, and I miss you so much that it completely consumes me. I miss none of the pain or misery that you brought me, but I miss everything else about you. I sit around, hoping and praying I find someone new who will make me forget about you because I know until then I will be forever trapped in your spell.

Despite finally being able to leave you, I know I will always have a love for you. I know we will never be, but I also know that without you, like a flower, I will continue to grow.

Sincerely,

Me