Every time I go home, to see my best friend, it feels a little different. After freshman year, it was OK because our memories were still fresh in our minds. Our special lunch table or the parking spots we claimed were still sacred places to us. We talked about our first year apart and it felt normal. I vented to you about my terrible teachers and you told me about your crappy cafeteria. We could still talk for hours about our lives and the distance didn’t really faze us. We were excited about our new environments and eager to tell each other all about our new experiences.
You wanted to live by the coast, and I chose to be near the mountains. Our colleges were pretty far apart but it wasn’t a big deal. We knew we’d always be friends. As the sophomore year began, we said our goodbyes and returned to our schools. I felt more at home this year. I made new friends and found where I belonged. I found new people who would understand me and accept me like you did. I found my new best friend. And you found yours too.
We didn’t realize what was happening. We needed someone to fill that void in our lives. That void that we left in each other. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss experiencing life with you. You were always there but then suddenly you weren’t. I needed a best friend in college, someone who could take your place. That meant that we weren’t best friends anymore. Our relationship is different now.
The awkward silence during our last visit proved that something had changed. You don’t understand my new life. I don’t understand yours. Neither of us really know what to say right now. Separation has made our relationship something else entirely. What are we now?
I know we will always be close and our memories will always mean so much to me. We grew up together. We did everything together. It feels wrong to replace you. It feels wrong to not have you here with me. But we aren’t the same people anymore. We need different things now.
I guess this is normal for people like us. Childhood friends can’t always be your best friend. Your best friend has to be current, someone there in the moment with you. This doesn’t mean that we won’t stay close. This doesn’t mean you’re not important to me, or that I don’t love you anymore. I love you so much more now.
I appreciate all the time we had together. I realize how important you are in my life. We can never go back and pretend this never happened. We can never stop our lives from changing. No matter what, we are going to get jobs and houses in different places. We can’t stop ourselves from growing apart that way.
But you will always be special to me. You’ll always mean more to me than any new friend that comes along. I could never replace you in my life. You’re so much more.
You’re not my best friend anymore. You're my forever friend.
