Staring at myself in the mirror and asking myself what was wrong with me and what I should fix about myself became what seemed to be a requirement on my daily schedule. I didn't understand what I was doing wrong. I tried to be good enough. I really did. But, for whatever reason, I was not succeeding, and it seemed like every other girl around me was. My emotions turned me into an unhappy and horrible person that I didn't like. I compared myself to other girls and tried to find flaws in them to feel better about myself. I stalked beautiful models on Instagram and told myself that maybe my appearance wasn't enough. The worst part of it all is that I was just unhappy. If I did feel confident in myself, self-consciousness flooded my head to remind me that I wasn't enough.
What was all of this self-deprecation over? It was for what seemed to be my eternal struggle to impress a guy. Why was I still single? Why was it so hard for me to get a guy's attention? As I asked myself these things regularly, I slipped further down into a dark hole of never-ending belittlement that caused me to question every trait that I possessed. I felt hollow, and I couldn't understand why I couldn't fill the emptiness in my heart.
I was seeking my value in a boy's opinion of me. I thought that by chasing after my worldly desires I would fix my problems, but I could not have been more wrong. Instead, I needed to be seeking my value in the Lord's opinion of me. He loved me before anyone ever did, and He desires to have my heart! Wow! Every time that I am reminded of this, I am totally and completely blown away. Why would I not seek my worth in that kind of love?
To every girl who is feeling as broken and lonely as I was, this is for you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made in the eyes of God. As cliche as it is to say it, it is the absolute truth and something every girl needs to hear. I know some of you may not have wanted to hear this answer. You may have wanted to hear that you are beautiful, smart and amazing. Well, guess what. You are! However, let the Lord reveal how special and unique you are to yourself first. The best way to let someone, like a future boyfriend, appreciate all of your unique and incredible qualities is by allowing yourself to appreciate them first. The goofy snort you make when you laugh really hard and the size of the clothing you have to wear may be something you hate, but that is the way that you are made. Some day another person will appreciate and like that about you.
No, I am not saying that trusting in God's timing is going to be easy. Believe me, when I had the realization that I needed to trust God's timing, I wasn't overwhelmed with joy. I wanted a clear answer right then and there. However, trusting the Lord and seeking my value in Him has changed my opinion of myself drastically.
Do I love everything about myself now? No, but I'm getting there. You are worth so much more than what a boy thinks about you. You are so incredibly loved and valued, and you were put on this earth to do great, life-changing things. No guy's opinion should take away that confidence you possess. You are strong, you are valuable and one day, some guy will see that.
