My whole entire life I have dreamed of my prince charming. I wanted him to be exactly like they were depicted in the movies. I wanted him to be the one who finishes my sentences, who sung corny songs to me, and who loved me unconditionally. I can remember me thinking in sixth grade that I was going to marry my boyfriend at the time, but then we broke up. This shortly became a process that I endured with every guy that I gave the privilege to call themselves my boyfriend. We'd get together I thought I was going to marry them, we broke up and I looked for love in another place. Soon I began to ask myself what is wrong with me? why can't I find love? why wasn't he the one? (for the most part I was too young), but the one question that still lingered in my mind was what is wrong with me? I felt as if I was incapable of being loved, I was unworthy of love, I was not beautiful enough to be loved.
So I decided to change myself. I decided I wanted to be the girl guys drooled over. I wanted to be the girl that guys whistled at and shouted disrespectful things at because I truly believed that it would make me feel better about myself. I wanted attention and love and I was definitely looking in the wrong place. I began to wear tons of make up, wear immodest clothing, and speak filthily. I thought because i had attention I was that "girl". The girl the every guy wanted and the girl that every girl wanted to be. Believe me when I tell you boy was I wrong. There is no such thing. Every person has there flaws and there is no such thing as being that "girl".
What I had not realized that inner beauty is much more appealing then outward beauty. I did not have to change myself to find love because I already had love. God loved me. I did not have to be that girl because I was and I am the Daughter of a King. I realized that I would find my love on God's timing and not my own. I had all the love I needed and more because I had my God's love. When a guy didn't think that I was pretty enough for him, God thought I was beautiful. I didn't need approval of some boy. I needed approval from God.
From that point on the girl who I wanted to be was just the girl I wanted to be and I found the girl that i needed to be. The girl I needed to be was the girl who had an unshamed love for Christ. A girl who pursued Christ in every move she made. A girl who loved God more than anything in this world because when I felt as if no one loved me.... He did. He does. He always will! His approval triumphs any living persons approval in this world. Lastly I realized any man who does not love God the same as I do is truly incapable of loving and that is not my fault, but it is his own.
