Like everyone else in their mid-twenties, I've taken part in my fair share of crappy relationships. As much as we wholeheartedly believe every time that "this one is better, this one will be different," the reality is that most relationships around this time in life are going to fail.
This isn't from lack of trying. With so many free dating apps like Tinder available, it seems almost impossible to resist the urge to sign on when the loneliness hits. In a period as stressful as college, wanting a companion to help you along the journey and start establishing permanency with is totally understandable.
Unfortunately, this has the tendency to lower standards a bit. Watching holidays pass without having found your forever-person and having to grin and bear it while all of your friends get engaged can easily make an average jo-schmo look like Brad Pitt.
As natural as this process is, it means that we might find ourselves or our friends with someone who doesn't know our worth or treat us as well as we deserve. It's not the end of the world—like I said, everyone ends up there at some point—the problem is that many college-aged people don't have the fuzziest idea of how to get out after the problem areas come to light.
Raised by typically conservative baby boomers, many young adults were taught abstinence-only principles, the concept of dating to marry, and that divorce isn't an option after that point. Even worse is that many grew up with parents who stayed in miserable marriages for that very reason, serving as abysmal examples for what their kids should look for in the future.
As moronic as these practices are, too many take it to heart and live their lives solely on those beliefs.
The main reason this is so problematic is one fundamental truth about humanity: People lie.
Every relationship starts off perfectly—if they didn't, you wouldn't have made it to the official-stage in the first place. No one enters into relationships to be less happy.
But the reality is that people lie—including your partner—and especially in the beginning.
While this may seem excessively cynical (I'll admit, I am a cynic at heart), I've come to see it as absolute truth, even if the lies aren't intentional.
We all have every reason to lie in the beginning. On dates, we make ourselves up to look our very best even if that's not our daily go-to, spend more money than we usually ever would on dinner, and laugh at jokes that probably aren't as funny as we make them out to be.
This sets the foundation for miscommunication from the very beginning. Fast-forward a few months, weeks or even days to when there are feelings invested, recognizing lies or else speaking your truth becomes exceptionally harder.
It's understandable really; no one wants to freely admit that they need more than they let on, care less than they'd like to admit or have more baggage than their partner might be able to handle. Its not necessarily out of malice—humans instinctively protect themselves from pain, and romantic relationships stick you right on the precipice of a world of hurt.
With all of that in mind, we've now got two people who might've bent their relationship standards a bit in the first place, might not have been totally honest in the honeymoon phase and the voices of parents in their heads saying "This has to work out."
Its no wonder most relationships don't work out.
But this is OK, normal and healthy.
The whole point of being young, healthy and free is to set your own foundation and prepare for when its time to go off on your own, to learn what you want and who you are. Too many people lose sight of that, blinded by bloated crushes and time investment.
When things start to look like they won't out—which, statistically, is probable—people sink their nails in with all their might instead of losing their grip finger-by-finger. They try to fix it by looking back at the memories, ignoring their instincts at the moment and swallowing empty promises.
In reality, they are not going to change. They did mean what they said or what they did. As much as it sucks, people would just rather lie than face the insecurity of being alone, even if it hurts someone else in the process.
People can't change for no reason, and especially not in relationships because that was likely their true self from the very beginning.
Even having become aware of this over the years it feels almost impossible to apply at the moment. I still find myself staying in relationships much longer than I probably should have because, to be frank, ending a relationship and going back to being alone is damn hard.
But it gets to the point where you need to make a decision—them or me—because no one is going to 100% have your back except yourself.
And realistically, every single one of your relationships is not going to work out except one.
That's kind of the point, right? To wait for someone who makes you happier than anyone else before?
So if you need it, this is your sign that it probably isn't worth it and it might be better to let go.
And if you already had an eye out for a sign of some kind, you probably already knew that.
