I’m sure I’m not the only person who has gone through a painful breakup. Whether you’re the one doing the breaking up, or the one that’s being broken up with--it hurts. The memories you’ve made, the time you’ve invested, and all the hopes for your future just vanish, and that’s not easy on anyone. I’ve been through my fair share of breakups, and some were more painful than others, but one thing I have learned through these breakups is that your mind is a very powerful thing.

Now, here’s the thing: some of us get really weak and queasy around blood, and sometimes even pass out from the sight of it, right? But why does one pass out from the sight of blood or something of the sort? It’s because the mind does not want to see what it is seeing, and simply gets overwhelmed. The mind is so powerful that when it’s overwhelmed or doesn’t want to see something, it will knock you out. The same goes for when someone is in a lot of physical pain; the mind doesn’t want to feel and can’t handle what its feeling, so it knocks you out. How does this relate to your mind after a breakup, you ask? Well, when you think about it, after a breakup you’re feeling a lot of pain, and that emotional pain can be equivalent to someone experiencing physical pain. Don’t worry, though, I’m not saying that you’re in so much emotional pain that you’re going to be randomly passing out everywhere, but your mind will react in similar ways.

When we pass out from something we don’t want to see or feel, our mind ignores all logic. It doesn’t matter where you are or what’s happening, if you can’t handle it—you’re out. The mind doesn’t care where you’re at, or what you’re doing; it doesn’t think about the possible consequences, or ask itself, “Is this the best thing to do?” or, “Is this the best solution to what I’m feeling?” It doesn’t think, it just does. You may still be confused by how this ties into breakups, but stick with me.

Have you ever broken up with someone for very valid reasons, just to question moments later if you made the right choice? Maybe it wasn’t moments later, but sometime soon after you began to doubt your decision. You begin thinking that you’ve made a mistake, and that you should go back to that person. If it’s soon after and you know that you’ve parted ways with that relationship for good reasons, do not, and I repeat, do not listen to that voice telling you that you’ve made a mistake. Why? Because that is your mind wanting to avoid what it is feeling. You’re in so much pain after this breakup that your mind will try to convince you that you have made a mistake just so it doesn’t have to feel the pain that it is feeling. The mind ignores all logic (are you catching on?) as to why you broke up with this person in the first place, and tries to convince you that it’s a good idea to go back to them, when, really, it’s not. Your mind ignores the bad things in the relationship and simply focuses on the good things, and this makes getting over and letting go of that person 10 times harder, I know. But don’t give in. Trust yourself; you made that decision for a reason. Don’t question it; question your reasoning for thinking the way that you’re thinking.

The time soon after a breakup can be crippling; for the ones doing the breaking up and the other way around. Now, if you’re on the other side of the stick here and you’ve been broken up with, you may immediately try to win that person back—don’t. I’m not saying don’t ever try to get them back if you truly feel in your heart that you should, but give it time. Your mind is reacting in the same way. You hate the way that you’re feeling. It’s overwhelming, you can’t believe it, and you just want it to stop. I understand that. But not giving the person that just broke up with you the space that they want and need is not going to help you. Again, your mind is ignoring all logic and is not thinking about the best possible solution to what you’re feeling. It simply wants what you’re feeling to go away, and if that means stalking that person in every way, shape and form, well, your mind will try to convince you that that’s the best solution. Don't. That will definitely not help your situation at all. There’s a reason that people suggest after a breakup that you have a “no contact period” with the other person, and I believe that this is the very reason why. Soon after breakups, our minds are so overwhelmed with pain that it’s hard for us to make logical decisions. If you give yourself and that other person plenty of time and space after the breakup to think things through, then you’re more likely to come to a logical decision that presents itself as the best solution. If after this time, you feel like you still want to go back to that person, or win that person back, then go for it. I’d encourage it more now than in the moments after.

However, if after this time is up and you decide to go your separate ways from the person, do not, and I repeat, do not jump into another relationship, and especially don’t do this in the moments soon after a breakup. If you’re feeling an immense amount of loneliness, your mind will do the same thing. It will try to convince you that jumping into another relationship immediately is the best solution to what you’re feeling. It’s not. That will only result in more pain. Loneliness is a very powerful feeling, and I know it's no fun, but push through it. Jumping into another relationship, otherwise known as a "rebound" relationship will not help you; it will only make things worse if it doesn't work out. Give yourself time to sort through your last relationship, and when you feel you're at peace with everything that happened, then move forward. Whether you realize it or not, if you don't give yourself a good amount of time to come to terms with everything in your last relationship, the more likely things will continue to fail in the following ones.

In conclusion, the whole purpose of pointing this out to you is so you can better understand your mind and it’s reasoning after a breakup. You can’t always trust what you’re feeling or thinking after something as heartbreaking as separating from someone you love and care about happens. When you’re feeling intense emotions such as these, ask yourself, “Am I thinking this way just because of what I’m feeling, or is this really the best idea?” If you’ve just broken up with someone, remind yourself of your reasons, and if you’ve just been broken up with, don’t stalk them, please. Give yourself time to sort through your emotions before you make any big decisions. I truly do think that because people don’t realize where these thoughts of immediately taking someone back or winning someone back come from is the reason why toxic relationships continue far longer than they’re supposed to, and why there are so many “off- and on-again” couples. Emotions are powerful, but you can fight back. Do what is best for you and that other person and take time to be able to come to a logical decision. Or just knock yourself out (as in sleeping). That always works, too.