There's a song out right now called "Scars to Your Beautiful" by Alessia Cara and I think it's a very powerful song, especially for women and girls who have struggled with body insecurity in their lives. I personally have dealt with body dysmorphia, in waves, since I was 11. I always had people around me who worked out constantly, or who were blessed with fast metabolisms at birth. The constant feeling of "I'm fat" followed me. When I talked to my mom about it, she tried to comfort me, saying that she had the same body type as me and that it was going to be okay- I just needed to be more active. It was hard, though. My mother had been a personal trainer in her past, and even though I didn't see it at the time she was getting even thinner from her illness. When she passed away, the feelings followed me to my father's house. My father and stepmother are avid gym rats. They make a point to exercise because they enjoy it and they were both bodybuilders at one point. My step sisters have very thin frames, that's the way they were born, and I understand that and there's nothing wrong with it, but it killed me because I was always comparing my naturally curvy frame to theirs. When I was in middle school I started volleyball, dropped three jean sizes, not just because of exercise, but also because of the natural baby fat dropping that happens with puberty. I was not fat, not even close, but I still compared and compared, one of my epic flaws. As high school progressed, I played more volleyball, and during my sophomore and junior years, I was doing excessive exercise as a punishment. I had reached my thinnest, but also the most unhealthy mental state I was ever in. When I was able to get out of that situation, I didn't exercise again for almost four months. This combined with a less than stellar diet, and a naturally slow metabolism caused me to gain 20 pounds. Since then, I have worked out sparingly and changed my diet, but it has also put a lot of other things into my life. These things include body checking: I check my body more than 20 times a day. Calorie checking: I now check the calories on anything I eat without thinking about it. Extreme guilt: I feel guilty every time I eat a meal that is more than 300 calories or an individual thing that is more than 180. I look at myself in the mirror naked every single night and morning to see how small my waist looks or how big my stomach looks, I bought concealer specifically for covering my stretch marks, I check how much of my stomach is pooching when I sit, I ask my friends if I have a double chin when I look certain ways, and I analyze pictures so much that it annoys people. All of these things spurred from one doctor's appointment and a lifetime of insecurity.

But I am in recovery. I am making a point to stop doing these things, even though I did a lot of them just today. I am working on being more positive and being more confident. I am working on becoming healthy, working out not to lose weight, but because it's what my body needs, eating healthy, but still eating enough, and indulging without feeling guilty. Society says skinny, I say healthy. I’m working on it.

Your weight does not define your worth. Every body is a good body. Do not compromise your health for skinny, do not compromise your mental health for skinny, and if you already have, it's going to be okay, you will make it through this.

I go to therapy biweekly for all of my issues, and as I continue to go, I continue to go through cycles of being hateful towards my body and making waves towards loving it. To anyone who struggles with the same things and reads this: your body is NOT your enemy. Your body should be your friend because it will always be a part of you. Unfollow the Instagram accounts of the skinny models that make you feel worthless and don't buy the skinny tea or the waist trainer because they don't work. The most important thing about beginning to love yourself is to understand that there is no perfect body. I found out that someone who I thought had it all had an eating disorder and body dysmorphia and is struggling through recovery as well. No one has it all, no one is perfect, so stop comparing yourself to them. I promise you that you will recover, your body is beautiful, and your health is the most important thing. I am not going to say it's easy, because it isn't, and you will struggle, but you will conquer. You are a work in progress, you are not finished, and you never will be.

“There's a hope that's waiting for you in the dark, you should know you're beautiful just the way you are, and you don't have to change a thing the world can change it’s heart.”