To My Younger Self Struggling With Depression, It's A Journey That —With Love — Can Be Tackled

To My Younger Self Struggling With Depression, It's A Journey That —With Love — Can Be Tackled

Your mental health isn't something to hide, it's ok.

103
views

Dear younger self,

I see you sitting on your bed, tear stains across your face, makeup smeared on your pillow. I know your heart feels like it's going to burst out of it's chest and all you can feel is numb. I know you're confused, wondering why you feel this way.

It's okay.

I know you're scared. You can't seem to find the answers or piece together why you feel like the world is crumbling at your feet. I'm here to tell you it's okay.

It's okay that you feel like that. I know it hurts and I know you're scared. It's okay. The best advice I can give you is to talk to mom. Mom can help you so much more than you realize. I know you think she won't understand, but she does, more than you could ever know.

I know you feel like the pain will never go away. As if there will never be a time where you feel okay for more than a couple days. You will. As you get older, the pain is going to fade. I can't promise you that everyday is going to be like walking through the tulips, but your better days will outnumber your bad.

You'll find yourself meeting new people and trying new things, and falling in love with your life along the way. Your unexplained sadness will vanish into the cloud of darkness around your head. You will be okay.

This dark rut that you're in is going to make you stronger than you could imagine. After this, you'll be able to take on the world. Your energy will grow, your smile will return. You are your own kind of beautiful and soon you'll start to see it. Your boyfriend, who you absolutely adore, is going to give you the same energy you give him. And it's going to feel amazing.

You are going to tackle an amazing journey towards your degree. You're going to have not 1 but 3 different jobs that you love. Your name is going to be known around the world for your choreography (you'll be surprised when you learn what kind).

You are an amazing girl. I know it's hard. I know you don't know what to do. This is one of the most confusing times in your life because, while your life is great, you can't help but sit in silence at night, wondering why you feel so numb.

Honey, you have depression, anxiety and even P.T.S.D. You struggle with mental illnesses that are hard to understand, especially when they're happening to you. Constantly wondering what's wrong with you, when in reality, you're just fighting your own demons. You have a fight against a hidden evil that not many can see you have. You'll continue to put a smile on your face day by day because deep inside you know your own strength.

And you know what else?

Take a deep breath, look yourself in the mirror and say...

You're going to be okay.

IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW ARE STRUGGLING WITH SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND/OR TENDENCIES, REACH OUT IMMEDIATELY. NO ONE SHOULD GO THROUGH THIS ALONE. SUICIDE IS SERIOUS.

National Suicide Hotline: 1 (800) 273-8255 - available 24/7

Popular Right Now

No, I Will Not Apologize For Being 'Overly Emotional'

.. Learn to swim in the river of your tears.

269
views

I have always been an emotional girl, and there is truly no exception to that statement. I will cry over anything. A cute dog I see walking around campus, a bad grade on an exam, an argument with my mom. You name it, I will probably already have tears streaming down my face. While I say it lightly now, it is not always something that was easy to come to terms with. In elementary, middle, and high school, I was constantly pegged as the "crybaby" and was always the one that the teacher needed to work with to make sure they were okay and emotionally stable enough to continue playing on the playground. It used to be very difficult for me to not only make friends, but to keep them. As many people have been quoted with, "nobody wants to be friends with a crybaby". But the truth of the matter was, and is, that is who I am, who I have always been, and who I will always will be.

My emotional state of mind is due mainly to a barrier in my emotional mental health that was never fully addressed when I was a child. I was nicknamed "smiley", but on the other side of the spectrum, I was also nicknamed the crier. This emotional instability stemmed, and continues to stem from my anxiety and depression. While I have never openly discussed this issue, it is something that I feel needs to be brought to attention.

JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE CRYING DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE.

I will say it one more time for the people in the back.

JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE CRYING DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE.

This is essential in order to help people who may be more "emotionally stable" than I am to understand. Mental health is not something that I am in control of. While yes, I am in control of how I react to things, there is something inside of me that gets triggered when someone raises their voice at me. There is an uncontrollable amount of uncomfortableness, that results in me overthinking, overanalyzing, and in result, over-crying -- over something that may have the simplest of solutions.

The reason I want to bring this to everyone's attention is because it is time that we stop putting people down for crying every few days, every few hours, or every few minutes. Some people have more emotional backgrounds than others, and if you are lucky like me, you were taught to embrace your emotions rather than run from them.

My mother always expressed to me how important it is to release the negative emotions that have built up inside of you, and I couldn't agree more. As negative emotions build up inside of you, you create not only a toxic environment for others, but a toxic environment for yourself.

You have to spend the rest of your life in your body, in your mind, and in your soul.

So why not embrace the emotions that come and go with each passing moment?

Whether you laugh too hard, whether you scream too loud, whether you cry a river, you have every right to express your emotions.

Stop running from them -- Learn to swim in the river of your tears.

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

What It’s Like To Have Anxiety Third-Wheel Your Relationship

A young couple, madly in love. The two of them against the world. Almost.

163
views

When romantically involved with another, one may have to tear down your walls and reveal a vulnerable side to yourself. You may divulge inner thoughts that you never expected to unveil. To show a side of yourself, you have kept buried for so long. A darkness revealed into a relationship that should be of light and love.

Anxiety and/or depression at times could be your closest friend, and now another has entered your close circle. Your boyfriend/girlfriend has become your best friend, and at times your mental illness will not appreciate that. It will try to squeeze its way in back into your life just when you thought everything was going so well. You feel as if they lurk around every corner on every date. Watching closely, waiting for you to drop.

When it's time to tell your partner of your third wheeling fiend, do not fear. They will be more understanding than you could imagine. They can help you tolerate and/or eliminate your dark friend that lurks around. They can help lift you out of the shadows. The raw honesty could even bring the two of you closer and stronger.

For myself, my boyfriend embraces this darkness I carried. He accepted it as a part of who I am and what he signed up for when you fell in love with me. He did not allow my haunting friend to destroy our relationship. It became only a shadow. A shadow of darkness. Forgetful enough that at times, I did not even notice that I carried this burden. Other times, it places it's hand on our conjoined hands while we walk down the street. Your partner's warmth will dissolve that coldness that wishes to enter into your love.

There will be times when life feels like it's crushing down on you. Darkness engulfing every part of your day. Maybe even your relationship. Do not be afraid to ask your partner for help in these times. They will help you see the light of life.

With my boyfriend, he helped me see a whole new side to my life. I found color and brightness. With him by side, I can see a future full of happiness and love. The trap of anxiety and depression cannot overpower us.

I discovered that my mental illness is apart of me. He embraced my flaws and showed me how to battle these scars. To tear down my walls to become healthy. That I should not be ashamed of anxiety/ depression, but I can battle it. And with my boyfriend by my side, we are undefeatable.

Allow yourself to be open to love. Do not let your dark friend control your life.

Related Content

Facebook Comments