Dear younger self,
I see you sitting on your bed, tear stains across your face, makeup smeared on your pillow. I know your heart feels like it's going to burst out of it's chest and all you can feel is numb. I know you're confused, wondering why you feel this way.
I know you're scared. You can't seem to find the answers or piece together why you feel like the world is crumbling at your feet. I'm here to tell you it's okay.
It's okay that you feel like that. I know it hurts and I know you're scared. It's okay. The best advice I can give you is to talk to mom. Mom can help you so much more than you realize. I know you think she won't understand, but she does, more than you could ever know.
I know you feel like the pain will never go away. As if there will never be a time where you feel okay for more than a couple days. You will. As you get older, the pain is going to fade. I can't promise you that everyday is going to be like walking through the tulips, but your better days will outnumber your bad.
You'll find yourself meeting new people and trying new things, and falling in love with your life along the way. Your unexplained sadness will vanish into the cloud of darkness around your head. You will be okay.
This dark rut that you're in is going to make you stronger than you could imagine. After this, you'll be able to take on the world. Your energy will grow, your smile will return. You are your own kind of beautiful and soon you'll start to see it. Your boyfriend, who you absolutely adore, is going to give you the same energy you give him. And it's going to feel amazing.
You are going to tackle an amazing journey towards your degree. You're going to have not 1 but 3 different jobs that you love. Your name is going to be known around the world for your choreography (you'll be surprised when you learn what kind).
You are an amazing girl. I know it's hard. I know you don't know what to do. This is one of the most confusing times in your life because, while your life is great, you can't help but sit in silence at night, wondering why you feel so numb.
Honey, you have depression, anxiety and even P.T.S.D. You struggle with mental illnesses that are hard to understand, especially when they're happening to you. Constantly wondering what's wrong with you, when in reality, you're just fighting your own demons. You have a fight against a hidden evil that not many can see you have. You'll continue to put a smile on your face day by day because deep inside you know your own strength.
And you know what else?
Take a deep breath, look yourself in the mirror and say...
You're going to be okay.
IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW ARE STRUGGLING WITH SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND/OR TENDENCIES, REACH OUT IMMEDIATELY. NO ONE SHOULD GO THROUGH THIS ALONE. SUICIDE IS SERIOUS.
National Suicide Hotline: 1 (800) 273-8255 - available 24/7