Chances are, if you have to refer to yourself as a "Nice Guy," you’re not really a “Nice Guy.”
I’m going to put myself out there and write about something I know a lot of people are not going to like, but before you write me off as a man hating, bra burning feminist, hear me out.
There is a difference between a ”Nice Guy” and a good guy. Good people are really great. They bring happiness, and comfort into our lives. Good guys make great friends, and wonderful romantic partners. I am happy to say, I am dating a really good guy. He is the type of guy I was happy to take home to mom. Basically his parents raised him right. He supports my dreams, views us as equals in the relationship, and is always honest. While the list goes on, he's a pretty good example of a “Good Guy” vs. “Nice Guy.”
We all have that one friend who thinks he’s just a “nice guy,” and women won’t date them because they only want jerks. The type of guy that thinks he is perpetually stuck in the “friendzone” and women don’t want to date him because he is “nice.” There are plenty of good, nice men out there, who do not have a problem getting a date, because their behavior is not aimed at manipulating anyone. “All the good men are stuck in the friend zone” - type of mentality that drives this thought process. Frankly, I think it is the biggest load of crap that I have ever encountered. “The friend zone”, is really just a factitious, misogynistic category, that has been made of to shame women who do not have an interest in dating them. Using this excuse allows them to ignore the actual possible reasons someone may not want to date them such as not being interested, or sexually attracted to them. But, you know, that's impossible, because they’re “nice.”
I really hate the term “friend zone” because it almost sounds like a woman’s friendship is not good enough. Women shouldn’t only be looked at as dating options. (I am a pretty good friend, I would be more than happy to be my friend.) This phenomenon implies that the goal is a sexual or romantic relationship, and friendship is unwanted. Is the worst thing to happen, is to just be friends with someone?
The friend zone is not real. Now, moving onto my next point.
“Nice Guy” behavior is manipulative, there is an alternative motive to their nice behavior, and it's to get the girl. The behavior is not nice, for the sake of being considerate, it is to gain something in return. Which is completely dishonest, and pretty transparent. Rejection is the worst, and it really hurts if you like someone a lot, but no one is obligated to return interest.
This may come as a surprise but, being nice to a woman does not oblige her to be romantically or sexually interested in you. I’m going to tell you the cold hard honest truth. I have never in my life been on a date with a man, then walked away from it, and thought to myself, “wow, the only thing I didn’t like about him was he was nice to me.” No one likes a jerk, even women. We don’t enjoy wasting time on someone to find out that they suck. Mean people are pretty unbearable, and no one wants to date someone who makes them feel like crap. So why would you logic that women want to date assholes? it makes no sense. Nice guys don’t finish last, no one wants to date someone who is insensitive.
Really, what I am trying to drive home here is this - If you’re only nice to a woman with the goal of sex at the end as a reward, then that’s not nice. People are not a prize meant to be won over. If you’re going to complain that you are in the factitious friend zone, chances are you’re not deserving of that person’s friendship. There are a ton of great men out there, and I think that good guys deserve a chance, but there is a difference between being a good guy, and claiming to be nice out of selfish reasons. This is also to say, there are not women out there who take advantage of a good guy, and that is not acceptable either, that's flat out wrong as well. I’m looking for equality among the sexes.
