Life and relationships are not an easy thing.

When life is good, it sure is amazing, but when it is bad, it sure can make you feel small and alone. The relationships we build and embrace help us get through these tough times and enjoy the good times to a greater extent. However, sometimes life beats us down, time after time, and leaves us broken - shattered to pieces kind of broken.

My life has not been an easy one and along the way I became the "broken girl." People never really understood me or why I was the way I was and because of it I lost a lot of relationships. I hope you can understand I did not choose to be this way, my past molded me to be broken. I lost myself, I forgot who I wanted to be, and I got stuck in a world where I thought I was too alone to heal.

To the friends I lost along the way, it was not because I did not care or admire or respect our relationship, I was just broken. I learned how not to trust anyone. I learned to shut down and run whenever I felt hurt by you. I wish you understood this about me and reached out, but I know I cannot blame you. I grew up being there for everyone and thinking no one would ever be there for me and understand me. I tried my best to find ways to forgive you ,but I was just too broken. I was just too scared that you, too, would hurt me beyond measure and leave me feeling alone and even more broken - irreparably broken.

I tried to text you and call you whenever you needed me but I could never tell you that what I really needed was for you to be there and check up on me. I needed you, more than ever, to understand I was broken and just sit with me or talk to me without me having to ask. I do not know if it was wrong of me to expect you to be there without asking, but I needed you. I did not want to be a burden on you, so I walked away instead of telling you. I stopped texting or calling and only responded when you reached out first. I got tired of being the girl who was there for everyone even when no one was there for her.

I was broken and I thought I would never be fixed or understood. When I hit my rock bottom, I realized how broken and lost I really was. I realized I needed to fix myself and, in doing that, I needed to finally put myself first. I became so broken because I kept letting others break me and take pieces of me. I spent too much time caring about what others needed and not what I needed. In trying to be there for everyone, I forgot to be there for myself. I saw others around me being happy and finding love, the one thing I wanted more than anything. I knew that if I kept being the broken girl, I would never find it. I knew that in order to find love and trust I needed to "fix" myself.

So I did it, I started putting myself first and I started healing myself. I started seeing I was more than just broken. I started seeing the ones in my life who wanted to be by my side and help me as I healed. I found the ones in my life who were there for me without me having to ask. I learned to forgive those that broke me and in doing so, I learned to love myself.

To those that stood by me when I needed fixing, thank you. To those that came into my life when I was at my lowest and helped me see myself as more than the "broken girl," thank you. I never thought I would find people who understood me and accepted me for me, but you did without me having to ask and for that I am forever grateful. You called me and texted me on days I needed it the most. You sat there from thousands of miles away, as I cried on the phone. You listened to me. You believed in me. You tried your best to understand me. You loved me when I thought I was unloveable. Choosing not to be the broken girl was the best decision I ever made and you have no idea how much of an influence you had on that idea. Healing my heart opened endless possibilities for me; I discovered the real me, I discovered who my real friends were, and I found the love and happiness I deserved.

Here's a little advice to the other broken girls out there. Do not be scared to find yourself and heal. Do not be scared to be alone. In being vulnerable and broken, you will find the ones that matter the most. You will find the ones that love every broken piece of you. You will find the ones that help you put yourself together again and the best part of it all, you will learn to love the version of you that you once considered so "broken."