My guess is over the next few weeks people will be asking about me: How am I doing? How am I feeling? Is there anything I want to talk about?
The answer is as follows:
She is not to blame. I don’t want to trash talk her. I’m not mad at her. I know - it was a long time coming. I know - break ups are hard. I understand - you’re just trying to help.
But let me be clear when I say: I’m not okay, but that’s okay.
I plan to just keep busy. I have goals I need to achieve. I am depended on in my job and school.
You should know: It hurts. If there had been even one good reason - beyond all compare - to stay, I would have.
She was my first love. My first real relationship. My first kiss on the beach. She was my first for a lot of things. She was the first person who I laughed with, fought with, and cuddled with all in the same day. She was the first person I pictured at the end of my future wedding aisle.
Please, try to understand: I’m sad. In fact, I hate what happened. I hate the fact I can’t fix it. I hate the fact it ended over text. I hate the fact that it was actually supposed to be mutual. I hate the fact I can’t go back.
To love and be loved is more than some people will ever experience in their lifetime.
I’m 21 and I’ve had the greatest experience.
So, before you tell me I should be angry or ask me if I need you to yell at her - Just let me process this. Just let me cry when I need to cry. Let me talk about the good times and the bad times over and over again. Let me listen to sad music. Let me be different for a couple of weeks.
It was 3 years and almost 6 months of my life. She was going to be the one - or so I thought. And that doesn’t mean she still can’t be. It just means, for now, she’s not the person in the moment.
She deserves to be happy. She has earned her own healthy relationship. She has a life that I hope turns out well.
I will always love her.
The way I show it may change over time - but, I will always care for her.
My heart is shattered. It feels like someone burned it. But, I know it was both of us who held a fire extinguisher to the flame of our relationship.
Don’t tell me to start dating anyone soon.
If a girl comes along, and I feel ready, I will date on my own time. (Even if that is never.)
Just listen.
Be supportive.
Act like I’m still me.
I’m not your charity case.
I’m a human being who experienced what innocent, pure, real love is.
