Dear unsure, indecisive, nervous mind,
It’s OK. It’s OK not to know what you want to be when you grow up. And it’s OK to not be sure if the path your considering, or even that path you’ve already chosen, is the path for you. Despite the impending amount of pressure weighing down on you it is OK, I promise.
“What do you want to be when you grow up?” This is a question I’ve answered a lot throughout my life. I always had an answer and it was always an answer I was confident in. However, it seemed it was always a new answer. A teacher, A chef, A roller coaster engineer, An actor, A park ranger, A marine biologist, A special effects make-up artist, A wildlife preservationist, A store owner, An author, A firefighter, An architect, An engineer, An intelligence specialist, A research psychologist, A school counselor. I was the smart kid, the good kid, the creative kid, the adventurous kid. I wanted to be everything, and I had all the potential to do so. But as time rushed on and growing up hit me like a freight train, the decision of what I wanted to be turned into the hunt for what I was able to be.
Somewhere in the whirlwind of growing up, that kid that I was- the kid with the wide-eyed hope for the future- was lost. The glowing potential I had taken a backseat to big dark looming insecurities. I stopped thinking about all the things I wanted to be and started thinking about all the things I couldn’t be. Maybe I didn’t have the talent, or the strength, or the skill, or maybe it just seemed like everyone around me was better. I lost sight of even growing up at all. From where I stood, I didn’t have the talent or strength or skill to even function as an adult one day. Fumbling and struggling to get a foothold on responsibility and independence I thought I’d never make it in the real world. Deep into my second year of college, life-changing a dim, shattered picture of the future has haunted me. I felt that every choice I had made up to that point was a mistake and I had surely set myself up to be a failure.I can’t say that I experienced a life-changing event that changed my outlook. I had to make a conscious decision to fix my broken perspective of myself and my future. It has taken a lot of work to restore my motivation. I am working on myself. I’ve started taking on responsibilities a little bit at a time. I am exploring my interests and embracing what I enjoy. Learning to set goals and trying to adopt new habits. And I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. But I do know that that is okay.
So amidst the rush and pressure and decisions the days of spring throw at us all, I want to leave the discouraged, unsure, indecisive, insecure kids on the brink of adulthood with these reminders:
-You are capable of anything that you want to do.
-You do not have to conform to anyone’s timeline and you do not have to make any decisions about your life within any time constraints.
-Recognize and accept when you are not happy.
-Don’t be afraid to try new things. It’s never too late to change your path.
-You are doing better than you think you are.
-“Baby steps” are important. No one just wakes up one day knowing how to be a successful adult or with their entire life laid out.
It is OK for you to not know what you want to be or if college is for you or if you’ll ever really grow up. There is a lot of pressure to have it figured out completely right away at a young age but if you don’t you’re not alone and you’re not behind. Take your time and embrace what interests you and remind yourself you are capable of learning and doing anything. And next time the question of what you want to be when you grow up comes to you, don’t panic or stress over it, you are still figuring it out and that’s OK.
