In seven words, poet Rupi Kaur encapsulated my motto I had unknowingly lived by. "To be soft is to be powerful." I try every day to live a gentle, kind, and empathetic life. If you call me a sweetheart, rather than roll my eyes and demand a more empowering adjective, I will swoon for days, as you have just affirmed my mission in life: To be kind and to leave a positive impact on other's lives.
Through media representation, the opposite approach is to be taken. Women are taught that they will not be taken seriously if they are not a — excuse my French — bitch. To be soft is to be weak, and to be cold and harsh to others is to be independent.
This bothers me, as we raise young women who learn lessons through television. I was flipping through the channels a few weeks ago and saw that ABC family (or Freeform now, but come on, honestly, who's calling it that?) was dedicating a day to powerful women. They streamed movies depicting independent, strong women. All for it, I sat back with some study materials and watched. "The Proposal," "Erin Brokavich," "10 Things I Hate About You," and other movies with strong female leads played one after the other.
The common denominator? Almost all of these women were depicted as cold and heartless.
It sends the message that if you want to be respected in this world, by both men and women alike, you have to be mean, cold, and unsympathetic towards others. This is wrong, and it's a lie that we need to stop spreading.
Be kind. Have so much love in your heart for the people you meet and the job in which you are engaging. Look people in the eye and wish them a good day. Say thank you, open the door for others. Do all things you wish to do, but with respect for yourself. Have a backbone, stand up for yourself, and don't take crap from others. By no means does this mean you have to be a hard and cold person to the outside world to be taken seriously.
This is not just a problem directed to women for a solution. We need to teach young men to stop associating kind and soft women as easily manipulated or people who need to be cared for. Just like men, our personality traits have little to do with our drive, independence, or pursuit of goals.
Be confident in who you are. If you do identify as a woman who is comfortable being impersonal, that's fine, but to those who want to be sensitive and gentle, don't change yourself into an aloof woman for fear that you won't be taken seriously.
Be compassionate and demand to be taken seriously.
Hold your own, but be true to yourself all the while. Don't let the media and corporate world so easily tell you that you are not a boss, independent woman unless you are aloof and hostile.
