You had no right. You took something that wasn't yours.To this day, I wonder. I am confused, what provoked you to do what you did? I was so young and innocent, and still, it breaks my heart thinking about all of the other little girls you violated and scarred for life. I turn 21 in a couple of weeks, and I am still struggling daily to process what happened. I don't think I love quite the same as I would had you not taken advantage of me. I was angry for a long time, but how long can someone really be angry for? I guess there's no statute of limitation on anger for childhood sexual assault.
But I forgave you. I forgave you a while ago, actually. I forgave you because I am worth more than the grudge that I was holding, and how much it hindered my everyday life. But believe me when I say I did NOT forget. I will never forget. What you did to me was irrevocable and unspeakable. So no, I will not forget, and when I have a baby girl of my own, I will hold her extra tight to keep her from predators like you.
I now suffer from mental illnesses. Whether or not they stem from this, I don't know, and I may never know. But they contribute. I get nervous when people want to hug me or when people I don't know well enough touch my back. I am more tense than necessary when my boyfriend tries to be romantic. It's difficult because he doesn't understand, but I am glad that he doesn't. No one should have to understand.
I am a new person now, I work two jobs, and I am going to school. I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me unconditionally. I am successful and you get zero credit for that. I do. I have healed and with the patience, support, and unconditional love from my family I have grown and I am better. Every day I roll out of bed I am stronger. Zero thanks to you. This is all part of the healing process, and quite frankly, it is a long and uncomfortable process. But I did it. I find the strength daily to do it all over again.
This is no one's fault but yours. I didn't ask for it. You just did it. You are 100% at fault and I 100% believe that karma is real, and it will catch up with you. I hope you can look at yourself in the mirror and be content with the life you have chosen for yourself. Because there was a time where I couldn't. That was when I thought that what you'd done to me was my fault. I am worth more than that. I have grown, and I am stronger.
