I ignored all the red flags. I ignored all the people around me that were telling me I was in a bad spot. I did everything I knew I shouldn't be doing.

And I ended up hurt. I ended up damaged and broken in ways I had never experienced before. I never believed anyone when they said love was difficult. It was one of the most difficult obstacles I ever had to overcome.

Something recently changed in me. It's like I had this weird epiphany after getting the help I needed that I realized something very important.

I actually realized MANY important things...

I didn't deserve what I went through.

I didn't deserve the lack of communication.

I didn't deserve to be shut out and ignored.

I didn't deserve to be invalidated.

I didn't deserve to be ghosted and never talked to again.

I didn't deserve to be told it was "too hard" to be with someone that had poor mental health.

I didn't deserve to not be loved.

Senior year of high school was by far one of the worst years of my life. Years of accumulated struggles and depleted self-image consumed my life. I wasn't the same person anymore. I wasn't me.

I thought coming to college would solve my problems — that my mental health would somehow ameliorate on its own, and everything would be OK again. And honestly, for a while, things were OK. September was one of the best months I had in such a long time. I felt liberated. But it wasn't long before I lost myself again. I lost myself in a deep abyss and I couldn't find my way out. I didn't think I deserved anything. I struggled to find value in my life again.

I was hospitalized briefly, and upon returning to school, my friends could tell something was off about me. Recently, I was having a conversation with one of my close friends, and she told me I lost the shining light that surrounded me when she first met me back in September. I only radiated cloudiness. I was dark.

Winter break allowed me time to recover. I utilized that time to work on myself and understand my purpose. I came back to school, and my environment and own work that I did on my own helped me heal.

That same friend told me the light is coming back. She told me I am returning to that same goofy, happy self I was back in September. Quite frankly, that could be one of the best and most impactful things anyone has ever said to me. For someone to be able to see when you are being yourself and when you're not ... is just so, so comforting, and I couldn't be more grateful to have her in my life.

This journey of finding myself and dealing with shitty people and shitty self-image SUCKED. But, I can say this: the progress is absolutely beautiful. Because now I know. Now I know I am worthy. Now I know I shouldn't have to put up with what I did. Now I know I deserve to be happy and to be loved.

Now I know that I deserved better.

And for anyone that questions their own value. For anyone that doesn't believe they deserve love in their lives or happiness in any way, give it time. We are all worth something. We are all here for a reason and for a purpose. A purpose that we will all fulfill in time to come.

Life is a journey. A cliche saying, perhaps, but it is. The journey is bumpy. It is hard, and honestly, it sucks at times. But along this journey, we come to realize many beautiful things about ourselves and others. And when we finally realize those beautiful things, we become strong.

And it all becomes worth it.