There’s nothing more unsettling than talking about the future. It’s a topic of conversation that I hope to avoid at all costs but sometimes I simply can’t. This conversation about the future is something I have been dragged into recently because of the new year. I also have friends who are approaching the end of their college years and their futures have already begun.

To put it in the most confusing way, I know what I want and what I don’t. I want it all and I want so little. I’m not afraid of the future. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with thinking about the future but I simply like living in the moment. Yes, I do have dreams but maybe I don’t want the typical “American Dream.”

I can tell you now, I don't imagine myself living in the suburbs of New York in a house surrounded by a white picket fence and a cute mailbox. I don't see myself taking care of my four children while my husband commutes to the city every day. I don't see a reality where my husband works his butt off to support our family in order for us to live a happy, nearly perfect lifestyle. Absolutely not, that idea is just not for me.

I’m extremely independent and the thought of marriage is scary. Divorce rates are high and perhaps, my avoidance of a committed relationship is just a way to protect myself. Almost every little girl has dreamt about her perfect wedding. I can’t say I have. I will admit that I do want to buy a beautiful dress that’s way over my budget. But that’s only because I stay at home and watch countless episodes of “Say Yes To The Dress.”

As a kid I played the game M.A.S.H. It was a great way to waste time and laugh about your future. With my luck, I always landed on the craziest options, whether it was having a million kids, marrying Justin Bieber, owning a pet snake or living in a mansion. Myy future seemed like it was going to be one crazy joke.

I would laugh at all of the possibilities this game predicted. Then I grew up and playing this game was no longer an option. Instead, the questions about the future became ever so real. Questions such as, "How many kids do you want?" and "Where do you want to live?" are seemingly growing more and more common.

I've never pictured myself as a stay-at-home mom. I've never pictured myself even having kids. Considering my age and goals, my future lifestyle is unpredictable. I may laugh at the thought of having children, but the future is never certain. As self-centered as it may sound, I'm putting myself first.

Currently, I'm getting my degree. I plan to pursue my career. I'll travel solo. I'll live in a cute little Meatpacking District apartment until I've fully lived my youth and followed my passions. Only then will I be able to genuinely settle down.

The future is something we all think about. We're never sure of it but each of us has different versions of our perfect future we hope to live. As of now, I am enjoying the present and letting the future be.