I used to believe that I was “saving” people or “helping” them when I tried to make them something they weren’t. I thought the word "change" meant to completely alter yourself into a better version — when, in reality, I was really making it my better version.
I think it’s important to allow life to change who you are and to accept life’s various changes. But I don’t think that people change with the changes, and the day I realized that, two completely different things my life changed.
I know how much you struggle to create the best versions of the people around you. I know you want to make your friend stop selling herself short in order to get attention from boys. I know you want the boy you like to be more open with his feelings. I know you want your family member to stop experimenting with drinking or drugs because “their friends are doing it” and it looks cool.
But someday, you have to realize that these people are who they are and that is who they will always be. You can’t assume complete responsibility for changing these people. It isn’t your job. It isn’t the reason you were put on this Earth. The only way that the people you love can create the best versions of themselves is if they do it themselves.
It is not an easy pill to swallow, but you can’t change people.
Once the people around you start allowing their own lives to start happening, and they stop trying to control every situation and every outcome, they will see that they have more in their life than what they have been settling for. They are going to need you to help them once they realize, because they’re going to feel alone. That is when you can show them how much you care about them. That is when they will open up and accept help from you. Actual help. You aren’t helping them by trying to change them now.
You have to remember that by trying to change these people, you're straining the relationship you have with them. They don’t see an issue in their actions, and you are driving yourself insane trying to prove that you are always going to be right. Everyone has to learn their own lessons.
You have enough of your own life to worry about. Stop trying to take on everyone else’s. It is not your job.
Sincerely,
The girl who is learning the same thing
