Forgive and Forget, everyone knows the saying, but how well do we listen to it? How well do we interpret the saying? I know that since I have been in college I have been burned by my so called “friends” on numerous occasions. So what is it about forgiveness that makes it so hard to do ?

Friends always mess up. Ruining your favorite dress, getting too drunk at a party, telling the cute guy you like him even though he doesn’t know you exist. All of those things are easy forgivables. The things that make you "so mad at them" but then you wake up and realize its something not worth getting mad about and you simply forgive and forget. But what happens when you can not forget or can’t even forgive? Does that ruin your friendship forever?

I was never sure who my real friends were in college until this year *insert cheesy shout out to my roommates for being amazing.* I didn’t even know how I was suppose to be treated as a friend. I will protect my friends as I would my sister, give them advice when they don’t ask for it, and have a shoulder for them to cry on when they needed it. So why would my friends always betray me? My “friends” rarely reciprocated the way I would treat them and I was always left feeling burned. After I had multiple talks with my mom, she told me to forgive the “mean” girls and to just move on. Between the sniffles, I realized that it’s not as easy as it sounds.

Being able to forgive someone has nothing to do with that person, well not really at least. It has a hell of a lot more to do with looking at yourself and understanding that people are gonna hurt you, without a real reason, but instead of being bitter and sad, to acknowledge the fact that they did you wrong, dusting yourself off and moving on. Whether it be boyfriends, friends, or enemies, there will always be someone you’ll need to forgive. Unfortunately, once you realize how to forgive, that’s the easiest part. Learning how to forget, THAT’S when things get to be a grey area.

I’ll never forget sophomore year in high school I was having problems with my first “real” boyfriend. I remember talking to a teacher about how this kid kept hurting me but I kept forgiving him. My teacher told me simply “Fool me once, shame on you, Fool me twice, shame on me” and that’s what I like to live by. A stupid saying. But in reality it’s true. Give someone a second chance, and if they burn you again, you can forgive, but you already forgot once and look how that turned out. Be protective of yourself and your feelings. Take a second to evaluate why they did it to you AGAIN. Ask yourself is it really worth being friends, dating etc. with that person.

Last week my mom and I had a heated discussion (screaming match) about forgiveness. And my fingers may burn as I type this, but she was right. She told me that I needed to look at myself and to forgive because I have a kind heart, to not be mean towards the girl who hurt me. To love no matter what but to make sure I could look in the mirror and be happy with the decisions I have made. Would I forgive myself if I didn't forgive her? Forgetting what someone does may be the easy way out, but sometimes not forgetting protects yourself and if it means losing a friend to keep your heart safe, I think it's the right thing to do. Being an emotional person as it is weighs heavy on my heart, but when a friend hurts my feelings, my heart completely breaks. So will I forgive them? Of course. But how many times do I have to feel sad to forget about them instead of forgetting what they did?

So did I really answer any questions about forgiveness? Probably not. But do I know that every person struggles with forgiveness ? yes. When someone hurts you, forgive them for yourself. Forgive them when your heart is ready and know that forgiveness is always the right answer. But, as for forgetting, be weary, because I have had the unfortunate truth that when you forget, you open yourself up to foolishness when that same person hurts you again. Choose when you forget, but also remember, when you mess up, wouldn’t you want your friend to forgive and forget?