My heart has broken plenty of times. By friends, lovers, family, school, soccer, "The Bachelorette," gluten, and much much more. Without surprise, the most painful of those have been by friends and lovers, or a lover-to-be. With each shattering break, I pick up the pieces of my wounded heart and attempt to piece them back together, one by one, day by day. It’s difficult, but over time it becomes easier, and survivable. Recently however, I seem to be making myself sad, making my own heart break with every unwelcome thought that I allow to enter my head. After having hours upon hours of a car ride to think about this new realization, it all became clear to me.
We break our own hearts. Each time you run back to that same person who has said and done such hurtful things, you know you’ll be hurt again, yet you allow it. You break your own heart before they are given the chance to. Letting every person who runs all over you with their broken plans and dismissive feelings, continue to be a part of your life, is breaking you. When you text him knowing he won’t reply, you’re giving your heart permission to ache on your terms. Nobody told you to put yourself through hometown dates for the sixth season, yet here you are with tears down your face as your favorite one goes home. I don’t understand why we do this to ourselves. Do we hate ourselves that much? I don’t think it is that simple. However, as humans, it is common to have the tendency to expect the worst. That person he loves that he always talks about could be his best friend, or family member, yet your mind tells you it’s another girl like you, striving for his love. The girl whose pictures he so often likes isn’t prettier or better than you, she is innocent. Yet your mind trains you to hate her because she holds his attention as well.
Stop thinking. For one minute, maybe even two, stop thinking. Get him or her or it out of your mind. If you allow small thoughts back in, after clearing your mind and being at peace with yourself and your heart, you may think of different things. You might think about what it’s like to laugh with your best friends or how it feels to know your parents are proud of you. Those should be things you mind wanders to. Not the girl you think is prettier, or the guy who doesn’t miss you back. There will be people, new people, who hurt you without warning. They won't mean break your heart, but they will. It is your job to fight it. Take your deep breaths, tell yourself you're strong and able. It will be hard, but it is harder to live with a broken heart.
You are worth something. You are worth everything. Someone will be lucky to have you, lucky to want you, lucky to know you. Do not waste your heart once you piece it back together. Don’t waste it on yourself as your thoughts rip each part out again. Do not cling to anything that won’t do the same for you. Find anything, even if it is yourself, that has the power to make your heart whole with minimal scarring. Remember, we break our own hearts. Don’t give yourself the power to break your own heart. When you text him, when you succumb to the idea of that she is prettier than you. You yourself won. You broke your own heart.
