You are someone’s everything

I tried for too long to try and get your attention let alone keep it. I tried basically everything to try and make you feel and think the same way I did about you. I get it I can be difficult but I was so different with you. I truly felt as if I tried absolutely everything.

I will and have always been the girl who will get way too attached to one guy. There have been so many times I have bended over backwards to try and keep certain guys' attention and I just could never seem to do it. There have been times I changed the way I talked, what I did, who I hungout with, and basically everything about myself and it still wasn’t good enough.

This was self destruction and I had no idea. I was putting myself second and it put me into a really bad spot. I used to put everything to the side and think I just needed to wait longer and it would all come around the way I wanted it to. Silly me, it just made me end up feeling worse about myself.

So many times I thought there was something truly there and there was something worth waiting and fighting for but everytime I turned out to be an idiot. It’s honestly sad that in this generation you have to not give someone attention for them to be interested in you even in the slightest, and even when I did that there was always another girl that had something I didn’t. I do suppose it’s my fault for waiting around and crying myself to sleep way to many times for people who weren’t thinking about me for a second, but I couldn’t help it.

If I want someone I always seem to want them more and I always will. This will always be my downfall once I’m attached you could push me off a cliff and I will still love you. The most recent heart break I’ve experienced was the icing on the cake. I learned just how pointless it is to wait for someone to come around and care about you. You shouldn’t have to wait until the other person realizes that you would do anything for them. So I'm no longer waiting for a sign from you or anyone else from that matter. From this point forward if someone doesn’t want me I won’t text them a million times trying to hold pointless conversations, crying into pillows watching them give another girl attention (while secretly still wondering if they’ll realize im still sitting here waiting for them), or waiting for them to want me back.

I am done putting my self worth in other people’s pockets because all that brought me was pain. I still hope the best for the people who put me in actual misery but you taught me the most valuable lesson and that is DO NOT WAIT. Go for the guy who treats you like a princess immediately. The one who goes out of his way to talk to YOU not other girls. The one who wants to see you all the time and understands when you need time alone, not get mad and think you’re ignoring them.

One day I and everyone else who has felt this way will be someone’s everything, so I am done settling. I am done falling for the stupid boys who get what they want and run away.Even though this is frustrating beyond belief I always have in the back of my mind all the rejection Ive experienced is another push toward the guy i'm supposed to be with. I know you’re out there and I can’t wait to finally be able to spoil and love you the way I tried with the wrong ones.