Everyone's heard the age-old saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." Well, suffice to say that this saying has been disproven time and time again. Words hurt. They may not break bones, but they break people, and that's much worse. People's self-confidence, their perceptions of themselves, their self-worth and value, can all be destroyed by words; it's a sad but inevitable truth. Girls know this better than anyone. While men have always used physicality, women use mental warfare. This is not something that has just started, either. From a young age, girls are the victims of the cruel words and passive actions of others. I am the perfect example of this.
I was a victim of bullying all throughout middle school, all because I was different. I didn't play sports through school, I was a voracious reader and writer, and I had about one or two close friends who were not part of the popular group. Naturally, this made me a prime target. After my best friend moved away, the bullying amplified. All the girls would exclude me. At recess, they would both literally and figuratively form a circle and refuse to let me in. They called me horrible names. I would sneak back inside during lunch and recess and cry. Almost every day when my mom picked me up I would be begging for her to let me transfer. Each year of middle school got a little more bearable, but only because I attempted to mold myself into the type of girl I thought would fit in.
I know it's easy to assume that, because this was so long ago, it's effects have gone away. And for the most part, they have. I refuse to mold myself into someone I'm not. I've learned that who I am is a blessing, one that should not be destroyed because someone doesn't necessarily like it. I tune out others perceptions of me, most especially those who don't know me. Even those that do know me, most don't know everything. They only know what I show them, which is rarely all of me, so for the most part I don't let their opinions or words have an effect. I do my best every day to keep my head up, own who I am and love myself. However, the only reason I'm capable of doing this is because I have worked for years to build back up my own self worth and confidence. But, even now, seven-plus years after the bullying, I have my moments of weakness. I still get down on myself and let other people's negativity and impressions of me in, even when they're dead wrong.
You see, many women have the same issues I have. They hear the words of others and let it define them. It's been almost ingrained in women to feel flawed and worth less than others, as well as feeling this necessity to have the approval of others. So, when we hear something negative about us, whether it's from other women, men or just the rumor mill, we take it to heart. We let it become part of who we are, rather than brush it off.
I know my article probably won't change anything. This feeling of inadequacy when we hear something about ourselves or even something that just relates to us will probably be around for a very long time. However, the point was not to necessarily to change the world (unless it does, then what the hell, I totally meant for that to happen), the point was to change at least one woman's life.
I can promise you that at this exact moment, one woman feels beyond hopeless. She's been beaten and broken down by the words of others. When she looks in the mirror, she doesn't see herself, she she's the person that these people told her she is. She may decide then and there that she's worthless. Best case scenario, she loses herself and tries to become the ideal woman she believes will fit the mold. I don't even want to touch on worst case.
I know many may wonder how I can make such a strong assumption, that "I know" that there's a woman out there right now feeling that exact way. The reason I know it is because I've been that woman more than once. And almost every woman around the world has been, too. The problem is, most of these women don't rise above the words. They will change who they are because someone or something said that they weren't good enough. And that's the real travesty.
So, to that woman who is looking in her mirror hating who she sees, and to those women everywhere who have been there and may face it again, remember this: you are more than what people think of you. You are more than the stupid stereotypes, the mean names, the false and/or over exaggerated rumors. You are you, and, no matter what anyone says or does, more than enough.