As I was forced to stare deeply into a woman’s ass-crack today, my yoga instructor emphasized the importance of understanding that trying to make everything perfect will only make you unhappy. And it’s true, because nothing ever goes as planned. It amazes me how closely the physical practice of yoga affects our mental states. Just last week I cringed as my favorite yoga teacher, Joyce, touched my sweaty neck and head as she adjusted my triangle pose. I'm so sweaty I use the mat towels meant for hot yoga. As I typically forget a small towel to wipe the sweat every time I go to yoga, it streamed into my eyes and down my hairline as I desperately tried to wipe it all up with my shirt, shamefully. Despite the embarrassment and frustration of sliding around my mat like a wet seal, I found such a correlation between what she said about anchoring my slippery toes into the mat and having to learn to be mentally grounded, to be mentally present.
When “Savasana,” otherwise known as Corpse Pose, finally graced all of our bodies with a rest from contortion, I couldn't help but be self-conscious about the fact that the teacher’s helper touched the flaking skin on my left foot. She was actually fixing my Savasana, a pose I thought people could not do wrong, as it involves laying down and solely that. It turns out my muscles were too tight and I was not allowing myself to fully let go. Again, I found a link between my body not being able to sink into the floor and my mind getting caught up in anxieties that deserved little to no concern. These anxieties were connected to my concrete ideas of how things should be. In the specific class I took today, Joyce told us students to let those ideals fade. At the end of class, my instructor played an accordion-like instrument and had us chant "Ohm." The very first time I encountered chanting "Ohm," I was extremely taken aback and choked on my own spit as I listened to the adults around me emitting this strange, inhuman sound landing somewhere in the realm of cult chanting. However, as I have continued to pursue yoga and all of its strange perks I look forward to that final "Ohm." It reminds me that we are all small parts to a bigger whole, and that in yoga at least we are to focus on a sort of inner peace that everyone can channel and possess.
For a good hour after yoga class ends, I always feel like a greatly improved person, until something new pervades my sense of enlightenment and replaces it with Harambe memes and college stress. After every class I off my sweaty yoga clothes and put them on my shelf because, why wash clothes that you know you’re going to sweat in again? I’m simply trying to remember to give myself room to breathe, and to love the imperfect, sweaty aspects that come with trying to find a middle ground in a period of life that's full of adjustments.
