Two years ago,if you were to tell me that I'd be recovered from my restrictive eating disorder, I never would've believed you. But here I am, recovered! And I'm here to tell you that recovery is possible. I struggled with disordered eating habits for most of my childhood, but I never really thought much of it. I remember throwing away my lunch at school almost every day since the second grade. Back then I didn't have an eating disorder, but somewhere along the way, it developed into one.

My eating disorder peaked during my freshman year of college because I had moved to a new school where nobody knew me and I didn't have any adult supervision. My disordered thoughts took control of my life and restricting food became my entire world. I remember dreading going to the dining hall because I didn't want to eat in front of other people, and the gym became my best friend. My life revolved around how many calories I was eating, how many calories I was burning, and if that tiny number on the scale was going up or down by ounces. Everybody's eating disorder is different, but mine told me that I had to be smaller in order to make up for my faults. Maybe if I was thinner, people would like me. Now I know that's a complete lie, but when I was deep in the disorder that's the way I looked at life.

I finally decided to reach for help in the spring of my freshman year. I was stuck in eating disorder's control and I didn't know how to break free. I built up the courage to go to my school's counseling center, and they referred me to a counseling center off campus, so I could get more specialized treatment. Luckily, I was matched with a great therapist and she helped me work through my eating disorder and everything associated with it. For the first year of my recovery we had weekly sessions, where a nurse would weigh me before our sessions and at every session, I'd show her a log of what I've eaten for the week. This process really helped stop the physical aspect of my eating disorder, which allowed us to work on the mental aspects later on. Now I've been seeing her for two years and yes, I did gain weight in recovery, but I gained so much more than that. I gained a real smile. I'm able to be a true friend. I'm able to go to social gatherings without worrying about the nutritional content of the food I'm eating. And most of all, I'm able to be a better version of myself.

So to anyone out there currently struggling with an eating disorder: Yes, being fully recovered is possible! And to anyone that doesn't know about eating disorders and don't want to talk about them because they are "taboo," you are just hurting those with the disorder even more. It's a shame that people aren't getting the help they need because they feel ashamed that they are struggling or they feel like they can't reach out for help. I was in this same situation, but eventually, I decided I'd suffered enough and I took the initiative to get myself help. Yeah, it's a bummer this happened to me, but in the end, I became a better version of myself and now I'm more willing to stand up for myself. I challenge you to take part in the conversation when eating disorders are discussed, instead of sweeping it under the rug. Instead of saying "I heard she never eats" or "he binges after school every day," actually go up to the person to try and help them. Sometimes it's one person's kindness that will give them the strength to get the help they need.