Kairos is difficult to explain to people who have never experienced it or a similar retreat. It's too cliché to leave the description at "a four-day retreat that changed my life senior year," but I can't go into more detail for fear of ruining it for classmates who haven't experienced it yet. Trust me, I was skeptical of the whole "everyone cries and we're all friends for life now" deal too until I went on the retreat for myself, especially as a non-Catholic student at a Catholic high school. However, it's been a year since I went on Kairos, and I still feel motivated to write about it, so it obviously had some lasting impact on my life.
This week marks one year since I went on Kairos, but even though it's been a year (and even though I'm still mad about how awful the coffee there tasted), the people I met and lessons I learned are on my mind now more than ever. Kairos came at a time in my life when I really needed it last year. I wasn't coping well with the end of my last relationship and the loss of a close friendship. It felt like my senior year had come to a complete stop. I was devastated, and no matter how much my friends did for me I couldn't picture the rest of the year as anything other than a void in my social life and a depressing countdown until graduation.
Kairos was a turning point in my year. It was the first time I found someone who had a story similar to mine who could listen to me complain and actually understand why I felt the way I did. It was also the first time I found people with stories different from mine, and the vulnerability they shared with me has stuck with me more than anything else during the retreat. Kairos was a time in my life that I needed to hear it was okay not to be perfect, it was okay not to have my life together and it was okay to be one of the stereotypical people who goes on the retreat and cries their eyes out for four days straight. I went on Kairos thinking I would get nothing out of it, but I left with confidence, acceptance and friends that have lasted much longer than the four-day retreat I signed up for.
It's been a year since I went on Kairos, but I'm at a point in my life again that I need it more than ever. I need the peace that Kairos gave me, I need the vulnerability that the people there taught me and I need to be reminded how to come to terms with myself and my decisions. The lessons I learned at Kairos and the people I met there changed my life a year ago, and on the one-year anniversary of Kairos I am more grateful for them than ever. I don't think I would be the same person I am today if I never put myself through those four days, no matter how emotionally draining they were, to come out on the other side and live the fourth.
