Thanks to the fact that my mom has an insane amount of Facebook friends and has always shared my articles, I have the joy of being asked "when are you going to write again?" at pretty much every social function I attend. One time, I even had a lady in a gas station tell me she liked my writing, I still have no clue who she was. While this sounds like I'm bragging, I'm getting to a point. Ever since I started writing for this website, people have told me I should be a writer or a journalist or whatever else. One of my best friends is convinced I'll win the Pulitzer Prize one day. So what happens when "the writer" can't seem to write anymore?

Since February of last year, I've written 5 articles. I used to crank these things out like nobody's business. More often than not, my articles were about some sort of issue I had or something I experienced. The first of those last 5 articles was one about my grandma passing away and since then, writing has never truly felt the same. I wrote for school, because I had to write for school and those all turned out pretty well, but they took more effort than before. Writing just to write basically became impossible, I would sit down to write and nothing sounded like I wanted it to sound. I tried writing articles, I tried making my own blog and writing there, I opened up Word and typed out things only I would see, just to hit delete. Me, the girl who couldn't go to any function at home without someone mentioning her writing, could no longer write, at least not like I used to write.

I have a few articles that are funny or TV related and I even ranked Taylor Swift songs once, but almost everything I write is serious. I will pick some of the most serious topics in my academic writing as well. I am a passionate person and writing is how I express myself and my emotions. But, in my heart, hardly anything has warranted writing about since my grandma passed away. Sure, I wrote 4 more articles, but going back and reading them, I can tell they were forced and cliche and not me. Outside of dealing with the stages of grief, my life has really only consisted of catty girls, dumb boys, and a close friend moving away. While those things hit a nerve, none of them hit the nerve that makes want to sit down and type. Right now, I'm not entirely sure I will even publish this for submission, because I will probably hate it.

You see, grief is a funny thing, I say funny, but what I really mean is gut wrenchingly cruel. Not only did I have someone I loved more than life itself taken from me, but I've lost parts of myself along the way. Sadly, I lost the one thing that helped me cope, my ability to get my emotions out through my writing. I think part of me doesn't want to publish articles, because I know my grandma won't read them, while another part just can't seem to find enough lessons to write about in the other things I've experienced. Sure, I could rank TV characters and songs, but anyone who reads my stuff knows that isn't me. This is me, serious, make you cry, kinda stuff. If you want funny stuff, head over to my twitter. This is the longest non academic thing I have written since May of 2017. So, maybe I've gotten my groove back or maybe my inability to sleep has driven me to boredom. I'm not sure. I do know that I am nowhere near finished grieving, but maybe I have reached the part where I can sort of be myself again, so I'm gonna try.

This article won't get many shares, but I guess this less of a "I want shares" thing and more of "Hey world, I'm back" thing. So, there it is, I'm back and I'm going to try writing again. I hope y'all are ready. I will do my best to make you feel deeply and to not disappoint.