June 16, 2016 is a day that changed my life forever.
It is the day that I woke up from a sleepover the night before, was driven home, and spent the rest of that day in bed wishing that it was all just a dream. It was a day that people who I thought were my friends, people I would be friends with forever, put me in harm's way. The person who I trusted most, betrayed me.
The days and weeks to come were gut-wrenching. Sleeping was nearly impossible; I didn't eat. The hardest thing was the fact that I couldn't talk to anyone about it. At least, that's what I told myself. I couldn't tell my friend who I had the sleepover with because she would blame herself. I couldn't tell my other friends because it would get back to her. I couldn't tell my mom because she would go ballistic. So I had to hold it in. For almost 2 weeks, no one knew about it. Until the same thing that happened to me, happened to my friend.
After it happened to her, I told her about it. I felt horrible. I blamed myself because had I told her sooner, it might not have happened to her. After all that had happened, she and I worked together to help each other through one of the hardest things we had dealt with.
Now that it has been three years, I think it is safe to say that what happened then made me so much stronger. I went through a really dark few months, and I'm still not completely okay. To be honest, I don't think I ever will be. I have learned to accept that and I have learned that instead of letting my past consume me, I need to use my past to make me stronger and to help others.
I have turned what happened to me into a learning opportunity. What happened to me is not my fault. I may not have made all of the right decisions, but that never means that it was my fault. It was the person that hurt me. I learned to let people go. After this person hurt me, I didn't want to lose the idea of this person being in my life so I tried to pretend that nothing ever happened when I was around them. I forgave them and put all of my trust in them again and that didn't end well for me. If someone hurts you really badly, don't give them the same level of trust that you gave them before. Don't let your guard down around them.
There is no proper time that it should take you to cope with a traumatic event from your past. Everyone is different and everyone takes a different amount of time. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you should be over something because of how long ago it happened because they don't know how it affected you. You know how you feel about it. Take your time to cope. It's okay not to be okay. It's okay to take your time coping with it. There is no timeline for dealing with trauma.
