It's the worst, isn't it? Scary and never-ending and leaves you feeling empty. Everything seems to be going wrong, I know. Here's the thing: its not.
There was a time in my life, a long time ago, when everything went wrong. I lost my best friend. My boyfriend broke up with me. My family life took a turn for the worst. I seemed to develop disorders and diseases, including depression. Anxiety filled my everyday life, and I don't remember a single night that I didn't cry myself to sleep yet. I had such a strong support system, but that didn't seem to matter. The world around me, the only world I knew, was shattering and collapsing right before my eyes.
It's hard, because I wanted help. I didn't want to be sad all the time, or see the worst in everything around me. I wanted to be happy and feel free and not be living in darkness anymore. But if you have never been depressed, you can't understand it. I tried explaining to everyone I talked to what it felt like. I felt alone in a crowded room, and sad, even if a puppy was sitting right in front of me. I felt trapped in my own body, and I wanted to be set free. Every bad thing that happened to me, I attributed to the Universe hating me. I eventually got so used to being treated badly (Note: Never let yourself get to a point where you think you deserve to be treated poorly. You don't. You are precious and valuable and never deserve to be treated like trash by anyone. Stick up for yourself). I thought I deserved the horrible treatment, and that I wasn't worth consideration. And I can't stress this enough: I WAS WRONG. I eventually saw a therapist and learned that I was wrong. I was allowed to feel pretty, I was as intelligent as everyone else, and other people could not determine my worth for me. I was worth the time of day.
Months later, I recovered and have strengthened my self-esteem. This is not to say that I am perfect and happy all the time (because I'm definitely not), but I realized my worth. I finally saw the beauty in my ability to run, to apply makeup, and to work hard. Again, I don't run marathons, I'm not a professional, and I definitely will not be attending Harvard, but I have come a long way. Of course, there are good and bad times, and the bad times sometimes bring in bad memories and horrible side effects. For example, I'm not doing perfectly right now. But after feeling like my world is collapsing and making it through alive, I know I am stronger than my problems. I know that I can do it, no matter what anyone else has to say about it.
Your world may seem to be collapsing now and everything may seem to be going wrong. I can promise you that the universe is not against you. If you feel like you don't have anyone in your life anymore, always remember that you have yourself.
