It all began with a couple of sentences. Professor spoke, "To overcome self-doubt; what are we afraid of, who are we afraid of, why can't we own that experience, and what are you supposed to choose. Work or love?"
Initially, when I was writing this, I was in a very dark place. I was at a school I had no interest in being at because I did not care enough to tend for my high school grades. I was unhappy and upset so looking back at my original answer to the question, it may slightly vary as I sit here writing it now. I am finally at peace with myself and found a happy medium.
Personally, I am afraid of love. How do you know when you've found the right one? For years I thought my parents' love was everlasting. Always seeing divorced families and thinking wow, I really do feel bad, but that will never be me in that position. Here we are 18 going on 19 years of living with both my parents and the tension in the household has never been higher.
In fact, it rises by the minute if they happen to even glance at each other. This entire mess occurred because of this so-called "love." I hate to see my dear mother cry, and I've never seen my father cry, yet here he is breaking down right in front of my eyes. I try to blur it out, create an alternate reality, pretend this is not actually occurring.
It's too much for me to bear the thought of my mom, the woman who brought me to this world, living overseas and only being able to see her twice a year. After 18 years of living with both my parents, it's going to come to an end. But I guess that's just life, and it goes on.
Not only does this happen to adults, but the young adults get a taste of this early in life as well. The whole concept of boyfriend and girlfriend could be considered a miniature marriage. I too have encountered deep sorrow over a male. In this generation, chivalry is six feet under, everything is through technology, no one genuinely cares for anyone but themselves.
Everything has become sexualized. Women are objectified and used. That. Is. All. Girls are being used time and time again for their bodies, but no one stops to admire a beautiful mind, an intelligent mind. I would say that I'm not afraid of anyone, but I'm afraid for myself.
I don't want to be used, I don't want to be heartbroken, I most certainly do not want to end up in my parents' position.
I just want a genuine connection with someone. At this point in my life, if it were up to me to choose between work or love, I would say work. I have such an amazing opportunity in my hands right now. As a full-time student, how I do now will completely decide my future.
A career will beat love any day. If I am an established middle-aged woman who loves her job, I will take that over any relationship. Success is in the near future if I take advantage of the situation I'm in now. A boyfriend will not help me reach my future endeavors, only I can help myself to do that.
