I am one of 350 million people who deal with depression tendencies everyday. And, that didn't just happen overnight. For the last five years, I have dealt with a dark cloud over my head, ready to downpour on me at any second. It always makes its presence known, and it knows just when it is the right time to strike. And when it does, there is no stopping it. For awhile, I stopped it with the help of many professionals. I would try one prescription after another, but none of them really seemed to help in the long run. I grew tired of my dark cloud's constant victory and my constant defeat.

I turned to the route of just constantly ignoring my problem. Let me tell you that was a mistake. I would have random emotional outbursts, I would seclude myself, and lie to everyone about how I was doing. I turned my back on my support team, and jumped blind into a world of unmonitored mental illness. My thoughts were damaging, and I acted as if that was normal—as if constantly tearing myself down, in any way possible, was perfectly okay to do. I would cry myself to sleep, and in the morning I would try my best to hide the permanent circles it created. Finally, one day I decided that my way of life needed to change.

It started out small, then it gradually turned bigger. I would find a positive mantra, and I would fill an entire page of just copying it over and over again. I then began to believe the words I was writing. I am strong. I am important. And most importantly, I am not defined by my past. Believing that sent my dark cloud packing. I had always believed my depression defined me—that when someone saw me, they pitied me. They could see past my forced exterior to see my crumbling interior. I thought I would always be known as that girl who is mentally ill.

But, I learned that my mental illness does not brand me. I am not a slave to the dark place my head had become. I could break free and change my outlook. Instead of rain clouds, I could have clear, blue skies. I could be that joy I wished the world had. I could be my own positivity. I could learn to just be me.

That's one of the worst parts of depression. It robs you of you. I know that sounds cliche, but it's true. I was never a sad girl before all of this. I was happy and just loving life. It's funny how a mental illness can physically destroy you, but it can also mentally destroy you.

Now, I'm not saying I never deal with that pesky dark cloud anymore. It still comes around time to time, but I will never let it stay. Because when I let the darkness win, I let my true self lose. So, when that cloud decided to show it's face, I just look at it and know I'm strong enough to blow it away.