Whilst reading this article, listen to “Give It Time” by Zach Bolen.

I’ve noticed a flawed philosophy that humans tend to take on in their interactions with people. It’s this mentality that if I was having a falling out with somebody, for example, I will not be the one to take the leap into amending things with said person. Many people dislike the thought of even taking this leap. It’s a leap across a gorge of a broken relationship. In this gorge are dangerous things that could cause more pain. Rocks that impale, perhaps a river running full of rapids, or even just bittersweet memories. We are afraid of getting hurt. We think that we are owed an apology, so we don’t move until one is made. And sometimes that apology is never given. We think that they will think worse of us if we try to make amends. We think that they don’t deserve our good thoughts or kind gestures.

This may seem harsh to you. Unfortunately, the things I’m writing here are true. They’ve been true to me at different points in my life and I’m sure they’ve also been true of you. As humans, we tend to take on nasty habits toward others.

If you wish to step into my boots for a moment, we can take a look at something I know I need to do yet haven’t mustered the courage to follow through with quite yet. I have a friend who I’ve been fortunate enough to enjoy friendship with for around seven years. We’ve had our many ups and downs. We’ve spoken truth and life and encouragement into each other’s lives. Yet at this point in time we aren’t communicating. I’m not entirely sure why we aren’t talking. It isn’t because of anything bad, but our friendship has changed in course over the years, I suppose. It’s been probably close to two months since we talked last and every day I know I need to message my friend, yet I haven’t done it yet because there is an element of fear involved. It takes a lot to put oneself out there and reach out and it can be draining. To add another element to what already seems complicated enough, the thought: “Oh, my friend should be the one to message me first, so I won’t be the one to try to rejuvenate our friendship.” I’m being real with you here. This is something that crosses my mind, and this thought isn’t a right one.

Are we so willing to sacrifice happier, freer lives by holding back reaching out to those we’ve had a falling out with? Why do we do this to ourselves? Instead of wallowing in lost friendships, why don’t we take those adventurous steps in healing? What might have once caused pain could become an entirely new, beautiful adventure with somebody you once immensely enjoyed.

And if things don’t work out, don’t let it get to you. Just know you did the right thing by caring about those around you. People do come into our life for a reason, but it’s true that some are only for a season. Yet sometimes we have to step outside of our comfort zones and bring people back in.