If there is one thing I can do wonderfully, it is to criticize everything I do. There is never a “good job” in my mind unless it’s in a sarcastic note. But that has to stop at some point, and throughout the years there has been great improvement.
Going back five years ago, I was haunted by the way I looked and questioned whether or not I was ever going to be okay with myself. This was worse during my sophomore year when I gained 30 pounds in the time span of a year. I was surrounded by jeans two sizes smaller and everyone telling me I gained a lot of weight. The small amount of self esteem I had kept diminishing with time. I started panicking and stopped eating almost everything. I spent three hours straight exercising and not eating anything after 4pm. If I was hungry, I wouldn’t eat. I lost so much weight and all I heard was “You’re so thin!”
These words made me feel better. I felt pretty, but I was not healthy. Now, two years later all of this has changed. I no longer deprive myself from eating what I’m craving. I no longer question whether I’m pretty or not because I know I am. I spend days not working out and eating a whole pumpkin pie by myself while watching “New Girl” without worrying whether I’ll gain weight or not. I wear whatever I want because everything looks good. It’s not because I’m finally thin or have the figure I’ve always wanted because I don’t have that. It’s because I’m finally learning to love myself.
With this, I’ve found that there are great perks. I know that I deserve great things. I have great people by my side. I don’t need a romantic partner to make me feel attractive. In fact, I feel the most attractive when I’m eating cheesecake in my living room with a blanket covering my body. The key to loving your body is by realizing your body has always loved you. It’s your home and every day it works hard to make sure you’re healthy and alive. I hope you love it, too.