Struggling with anorexia at a very young age often times made me feel that I was strange and misunderstood. At the time, I didn't quite understand why everyone around me was so content with themselves and the way they looked, while I seemed miserable. All of the feelings surrounding my eating disorder and my obsession with not gaining weight evolved over time into something that I learned from and made me grow as a person. As cliche as it sounds, sometimes it really does take going through an extremely difficult obstacle in life to truly understand both yourself and the world around you.
1. You are your own worst critic.
No matter how many people would tell me I was getting too thin, I would continue to get on the scale, pinch my fat in the mirror, and ridicule the way I looked. If I weighed 0.1 more pounds than I did the day before, I would throw a fit and think that everyone else around me must have noticed that I was heavier than I was the day before. I would look in the mirror and think I was huge and no matter how little I ate or how many sit-ups I did, I was never satisfied. No one else around me was criticizing me or putting me down, I was my own worst enemy. Years later, I now recognize that. As human beings, we naturally look at ourselves and immediately point out our own flaws and think that no matter what we do or how we look, it isn’t enough. When you’re having one of those days, recognize that you are enough just the way you are. No one around you is going to notice that you look and feel a little more bloated today, or that your jeans fit a little bit snugger. Stop looking for approval about how you look and feel from other people.
2. Avoid using a scale at all costs.
I am completely against using a number on a scale to track success, and I avoid stepping on one as often as I can. It becomes a game. Oh, if I’m 1.4 pounds lighter today than I was the last time I checked, then I must get on the scale tomorrow and the day after that to make sure I don’t start gaining weight back. That’s where it all started for me. I became so wrapped up in the numbers that I would keep track of how much weight I would lose, and see which weeks I lost the most. It didn’t matter that I barely had any energy or that my hair was thinning. As long as that number kept going in that same downward direction, I would be invincible. So, my advice would be to stay away from the scale and only judge your weight by how you feel. If you wake up feeling on top of the world, don’t hop on the scale and let a number that is higher than you were expecting ruin that feeling for you.
3. Don’t compare yourself to those around you.
Growing up around the age I experienced the worst of my eating disorder, wearing Abercrombie was a must. All of the girls would wear the Abercrombie logo t-shirts, even though they are made to fit infants or someone who doesn’t have a set of ribs. So, naturally, I felt that in order to be accepted by those around me and hangout with all of the girls, I had to wear Abercrombie and fit into unrealistic clothing too. Looking back on it, it’s the stupidest thing. Five years ago, being as skinny as possible was the societal norm and now today, everyone wants to be curvy. And guess what? In five years, that will all change again and the “perfect body” will be thought of as something completely different. It sounds so much easier said than done, but just don’t compare yourself to those around you. Wear whatever you feel most comfortable in and shop where you can afford and do not feel the need to change who you are just to fit in with a group of people because, chances are, they are so not worth it.
4. Let go of your pride and be willing to ask for help.
This was one of the most vital steps of recovery for me. For the longest time, I alienated myself from those around me because suffering from an eating disorder was something I felt shameful about. Idid not know how to express to other people how I was suffering and the emotions I was feeling. I was scared of what people would think if I told them what I was going through and even after I began recovering, I still felt embarrassed of the entire situation. Little did I realize then, embracing the love and support from those in my life completely transformed the way I felt about myself and the world. Whether it is an eating disorder or any other emotional issue or struggle you are experiencing, do not feel like you can't speak to someone about it. Opening up and allowing people to be by your side is essential; no one should allow themselves to go through something like that alone.
5. Your worth is not based on your appearance or how other people perceive you.
Who cares if every guy isn’t drooling over you? People who only judge you by your appearance are not people you want around you anyway. Make room in your life for the people who see you as a whole person and don’t pay attention to those who view you otherwise.
