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Politics and Activism

Women Celebrating Women: A Satire

Let's take it one step forward

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Women Celebrating Women: A Satire
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Does it not warm your soul and comfort your mind with the kindhearted nature of women? Especially to one another? We are such a loving and supportive breed of human, most importantly when it comes to our own female gender.

Women are many great and wonderful things, with various characteristics that define who we are. Some of these defining qualities we possess can only be found in a woman alone. We defy the normal, and ultimately, change each other’s lives. First and foremost, women tend to protect our own. Like a vicious mama defending her young cub, we come at our enemies claws out. The way that we go about defending one another can be seen on any form of social media. We spend our time on Twitter totally raving about how awesome the girl rocking her cherished pair of [ugly] Duck boots is; you go girl, keep doing your thing. Oh, and don’t even get me started on how on Instagram we go from endlessly ranting about how big of an absolute b***h a girl is just to go and gushingly comment, “Yas, Queen slay” on her new photo she just posted.

Truly, we are an unbelievable set of creatures that only wish the very best for one another, or ourselves, whatever.

What is there to perfect about our kind, really? Well, I have the oh so tantalizing answer dangling from my fingertips. We can redesign these delicious and unique qualities of ours, and improve them. Yes, dare I utter these trying words; we can backstab and tear each other down even more than we are now.

I’m sure you want to do more with your life, some might even say you want to do “the most”. Why not take the extra steps and keep moving forward? After all, we are an ever-evolving society and perhaps we will create the next movement involving the celebration of women by women. Seeing as we are in the age of being so attached to our phones we can’t even seem to take a sh*t without it, why not start on social media first?

Take a leaflet out of selfie queen Kim Kardashian West and new kid on the block Chloe Grace Moretz’s books and call one another out. If you didn’t hear about the amazing Twitter feud that was circulating through more than just Cosmopolitan and DailyMail, then you must be living under a rock. But allow me to enlighten you: the ever supported and cherished Kim Kardashian West, wife and mother, posted a completely nude photo that only covered her breasts and vagina with two strategically placed black rectangles.

Thank God, we couldn’t have such a thing as nipples showing in our pure and sacred society, especially the Internet. But that wasn’t enough for Chloe Grace Moretz, a new actress rolling up on the scene where she happens to play a classy stoner sorority girl in her new film. And being such a newbie on Twitter (where has she been?), I’m sure she was just trying to make the best [or worst] impression she could to get her name out there, so she ripped Kim a new one. Moretz states, “I truly hope you realize how important setting goals are for young women, teaching them we have so much more to offer than just our bodies.” Naturally, such an accusation was brought to the attention of the staggering 42.1 million followers (read: stalkers) that Kim possesses. After being alerted, she responded with her own tweet to make a point over the internet, “Let’s all welcome @ChloeGMoretz to twitter, since no one knows who she is. Your Nylon cover is cute boo.” (You hear that mic drop?)

Ah, the cat fight, the sweet anthem of the finest of over privileged women ringing out over social media. These women do what too few of us can’t seem to muster up the guts to do, and talk it out face to face, or complain over social media platforms, same thing. These two women go past just making side remarks on Twitter and sub tweeting one another. Chloe throws the @ sign up in Kim’s Twit pic like shot to the heart. And Kim does not even start to hesitate before firing shots of her own tagging Chloe right back.

Sub-tweeting and side remarks lack that one important factor that makes it socially acceptable to call another angry woman out about something else you think is wrong with them. This way the women can vent and complain and millions of people can watch! It’s practically pay-per-view but for free. Even better, the Internet never goes away so it will always be there for people to see, view, comment on, share, and even make an example out of their showcase. Why else would you publicly harass someone for their personal preferences and body confidence? We simply are just seeking as much attention as possible. Being women, we clearly have to do anything we can to achieve that goal.

But why does it have to stop at social media? We can go past insulting a woman’s decision to display her own body because she’s comfortable enough to do it. Women can go one step forward from insulting each other’s careers, clothing style, personal achievements, and families.

Take it out on the street; use your newfound and enhanced stance to take your seemingly innocent motives for womankind even further. Go past attacking someone’s beliefs and confidence and go straight for the Achilles heel. Attack their physical qualities they simply can’t help! When you’re walking down the street and passing by your casual on and off friend for the last several years, you can stop with the pity smiles and casual conversation you obviously feel like you owe her. You don’t have to just smile and think about how much she tends to make your blood boil with the way she has a lisp when she says her s’s. Instead of just saying “hey girl” and shining those pearly whites before continuing on your way after hearing her slur her words, you can add a little something special to make it that much nicer. Why not just walk up to her and punch her square in the face? That bold choice will surely provide the shock and wow factor to your approach.

That’s right, approach her head on and take honesty and support to the next level. Since we women seem to have no problem talking behind each other’s backs, and ripping each other apart for our individual and personal choices, just go ahead and take it to the next level. When that girl in school who apparently sleeps around starts getting on your nerves with her own personal decisions that only affect her life again, slut shame her. That should really show her the support and understanding we women all deserve.

Keep it real, keep it clean, and keep the power and love of womanhood flourishing strong. You’re already such a stunning inspiration.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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