Womanhood Doesn't Mean Motherhood
Relationships

Womanhood Doesn't Mean Motherhood

Society's stigma against women who don't want children needs to end.

558
Pexels

It’s my life and I can do what I want with it, right? Then please explain to me why every time “I don't want children” comes out of my mouth, the reaction is constant confusion and dirty looks? It doesn't matter if this conversation is with family members, friends or males -- it’s clear these four little words never go over too well.

Why is it so hard to believe and accept that all women just don’t want children? And more importantly why does society still act like motherhood is a basic principle of being a woman?

Not wanting children isn't some foreign concept nowadays. The 2014 US Census Bureau even ran a survey showing that 47.6% of women between 15 and 44 have never had children. This is a record breaking percentage since 1976. This statistic came out two whole years ago, yet this morning the local radio station was still discussing how women could possibly not be wanting kids?

We want to focus on a life with our partners.

It’s a proven fact that divorce increases once there’s a child, especially in the first two years. We grow up in a world that tells us we somehow can't be fulfilled without children in our lives, but I feel the opposite. As far as I'm concerned having children would get in the way of fulfilling everything I want, personally and in my relationship.

Since I’ve never felt the desire to have a child I can’t imagine that the stress and responsibility of motherhood will benefit my relationship. I’m way more interested in spending the rest of my life with someone, and focusing on growing that relationship through experiences between the two of us.

Even if you make it through raising kids, many couples no longer know how to relate to each other once the children grow up. They stopped focusing on their relationship along the way and by the time the kids are out of the house it’s too late to repair the damage. Society never points this aspect out, instead, we lead people to believe that without children a relationship won't last.

The financial responsibility is outrageous.

I don't even want to think about how much money my parents have spent raising me. They have sacrificed repeatedly just to make sure I didn't go without something I needed and never made me feel like a burden for it. On top of everything a child needs, there’s everything they want, accidents they get into, health problems, college tuition and so much more. Raising a child is no walk in the park, especially when you’re looking at it in the form of dollar signs.

I give so much credit to every single parent who takes on this responsibility, but that doesn't mean I’m ready to jump on the bandwagon. I don't want to have to weigh career options based solely on an amount of money because I have kids at home that rely on me. I want to be able to travel when I want to, buy those expensive shoes and live comfortably without guilt that I could be giving my children more. Once you have a child, they come first; but as long as I'm not a mother, there isn't anything wrong with putting myself first.

Career driven, not child driven.

Before many women wanted to stay home with their kids. But now, one top of the obvious fact that being a stay at home mom isn't practical for most with the cost of living for a family, a lot of women (including me) don't want to stay home.

Women have changed over the years. Sure, some people still look forward to making their children’s lunches in the morning, running errands while they are at school and picking them back up for a home-cooked meal at the end of the day, and that’s perfectly fine. You do you.

But honestly that sounds like the last thing I want, and apparently I’m not alone. We have career goals that are going to take long days and stressful situations. I don't want to go home from a 9 hour work day, just to have even more to do. This just isn't for me.

We just aren't maternal.

As I’m sure you’ve gathered, I’m not a maternal person. If I’m being completely honest, a dog will give me just as much happiness as a child, with way less responsibility.

I don’t see myself enjoying "mom activities" at all, and there is nothing wrong with that. I look at it as more of a job and less of a blessing. I can appreciate kids, and even enjoy their company, but I’m comforted in the fact that I can give them back to their parents at the end of the day. I look forward to being an aunt and my friends having families—but as for a 24/7 way of life, no thank you.

It would be selfish of us.

Frequently I hear the argument that not wanting children is just me being selfish. Well honestly, having kids would be the selfish thing for me to do.

I constantly feel like, as a woman, I’m expected to have kids. So if I gave in and did it just because I was tired of being judged for it, that would be selfish. Nobody should bring kids into this world if they don't want them.

Some people are born to be a mother, and some people aren’t. Realizing that, devoting time to your significant other, career and happiness is not being selfish— it’s living a life that makes you happy.

Shaming any women for not wanting to be a mother is just wrong. Motherhood is not a requirement to being a woman, so stop acting like it is. Understand that having children isn't the path all women want to follow along and that's perfectly fine.

We aren't telling you not to have children, so stop telling us we need to have them.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Lifestyle

Founders Of Color Q&A: Yarlap's MaryEllen Reider On Destigmatizing Women's Health

The father-daughter duo co-founded the brand and has since generated a passionate, dedicated community of women.

MaryEllen Reider

I was lucky enough to meet MaryEllen Reider over a decade ago as a fellow freshman in college. Since then, I had the luxury of being able to witness her evolution from the faithful companion I went to my first job fair with to the woman who is now a pioneer in destigmatizing the portrayal of women's reproductive health.

Keep Reading... Show less

My favorite Editor was feeling under the weather yesterday. All I wanted was to make her a vegan iced matcha latte. With distance forbidding it, I instead decided to write up this quick, easy recipe. I made it to be vegan and organic for optimal health benefits.

Matcha green tea is made from grounded green tea leaf and it comes with the most antioxidant boost ever.

Keep Reading... Show less

This coffee brand is USDA organic. Newman's Own Keurig coffee flavors are all organic. They have French Roast, Decaf, and a Special Blend. I'm in a committed relationship with the French Roast flavor. The smell alone from dispensing 1 cup of coffee sets a whole cafe jazz vibe.

I'm already relaxed when I smell the coffee all ready for dressing. The way I make my coffee is simple and sweet, literally. I add a spoon of organic brown sugar and a splash of organic almond vanilla milk. This cup of coffee has changed my life forever. I have never been so productive in my life and I truly believe it's because the coffee is organic.

Keep Reading... Show less

These organic, cruelty-free skincare products are great for hot, sweaty summers. I use them every day, so you will find my honest opinion about them all. I highly recommend using organic products because they are least likely to be harmful to your body.

This may seem like an extra step when it comes to your beauty routine, but it's really easy. These 5 products could be the start of your next beauty venture.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

These 5 Black Handbag Designers Should Be On Every Accessory Lover's Radar

With the push to support more Black-owned businesses, we've put together a list of Black owned handbag designers.

Ever since the current upheaval of societal silence happening in the country caused by the #BlackLivesMatter movement, there has been a bigger push for people to support Black-owned businesses.

Granted, there are a lot fo Black-owned businesses to support, it just takes time to find them. With that being said, fashion is a sector, just like any sector really, in a culture that still has people of color calling out for more diversity.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Feel A Lil' Better: Because Therapy Dogs Aren't Just Cute, They're Working

Your weekly wellness boost from Odyssey.

No matter how good (or bad) you'd describe your health, one thing is for sure: a little boost is ALWAYS a good idea. Whether that's reading a new, motivating book, or listening to a song that speaks to your soul, there are plenty of resources to help your health thrive on any given day.

There are many different ways people overcome obstacles in their lives. Thankfully, the stigma surrounding therapy is slowly (but surely) slipping away and we're opening up about our problems and needs. For some, a good workout is just as relaxing. Others are learning how meditation can be a helpful tool in their mental health journey.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments