I don't want to have children. I’ve known this since I was very young.

The thing in some girl’s brains that makes them instinctively want to be a mother just isn’t there in mine. I never had much interest in baby dolls, and I was never all that great at playing house. Nobody in pre-school ever asked me to be a part of their pretend family during play time. I was much more interested in drawing, making crafts, and putting together little performances for my friends and parents. Now, I’m an artist and an actress. I knew what I was about from the beginning.

The first time I ever really felt ashamed for not desiring children, I was only fourteen years old.

It was at a party being thrown to celebrate my graduating of junior high. My mom thought it would be cute to put out a bunch of old photos of me as a little girl, to show how much I’ve grown up (I guess). So my friend, and girl from my class, saw some photos of little me with my awkward bangs and large blue eyes and just started gushing over them, saying, “OHMIGOSH!! I can’t WAIT for the day when there are little Sara’s running around!!”

I simply responded, “Sorry.. I don’t think that will ever happen.”

She was absolutely shocked. She grabbed a photo, went to my mother, and said,

“ARE YOU AWARE that your BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER that would make ADORABLE BABIES doesn’t want to ever have CHILDREN???”

My mother was confused. I was confused. Family members and friends began to chime in with their two cents on my feelings. People began trying to convince me that one day I will want them; that this feeling was just a phase. I was told between the laughter of wise-r, “I was a kid once too,” adults that I didn’t actually know what I wanted yet.

I’d like to note just one more time… I had just turned fourteen.

I didn’t even have full breasts yet, I had just barely begun having a regular menstrual cycle, and I was in the middle of my very first relationship in which me and the nice young fella only ever held hands and kissed.

And people were trying to tell me what I should and would want to do with my life and my body in the future.

On the day that I was supposed to be celebrating accomplishing something, I suddenly felt like a disappointment to my friends and family.

The topic would come up every so often over the next few years. Often, my feelings would be brushed aside by whomever brought it up on the basis that I was young, and therefore obviously had no clue what I actually wanted in my life.

I would usually just uncomfortably laugh and agree that, “Yea.. haha.. Maybe I’ll change my mind some day. You know how we artist-types are.. Hahaha…”

Buuuuut that feeling has not shifted in the slightest.

Now, despite that fact that I don’t want to make children with my body, I love kids! I especially love my little cousin. And she loooves hanging around me at family events. Which makes me so happy because gosh, I love her so much.

So at a recent Christmas dinner, she wanted to sit next to me at the table. Which naturally meant that I had been selected to help her messy five-year-old self get her plate together and not break anything or touch anything hot. I didn’t mind. You do those things for the people that you love.

After I had pulled her little fingers out of my own mashed potatoes for probably the fifth time, someone at the table said the line that I’ve learned to dread…

“You’re going to be such a good mother someday.”

I wasn’t able to stop it. It just slipped out.

“Ha.. unfortunately, I don’t want to have kids.”

Followed by an immediate internal “Oh gosh what have I done?”

I was told I’d change my mind. I was told I was too young to really know that. I was told that I would be so good at it, that I would meet someone someday that would make me want to have kids, and the "advice" went on.

This moment was probably nothing to my family members. I assume that they have forgotten about it completely. But for me, that moment felt like an attack from all sides.

I feel like people believe that those of us that don’t want to have children are insensitive, or cold, or selfish. Or, that we need to be saved from some delusion. I think that the people that have so many opinions about us don’t realize how insensitive they are towards us. I don’t think they realize how much power they have to really hurt us when they address the situation.

I already feel like an embarrassment and a disappointment to my parents when this topic comes up. They have never done anything to make me feel that way, but I know that everyone else is feeling sorry for them because I don’t want to give them grandchildren. I feel guilty about it all the time. I am their only child, and their only opportunity to have that. They are great parents and I know they would be the coolest grandparents, but I just can’t imagine it for myself.

I am so happy for every single person in the world that has children and a happy family. I hope that all of my peers that want to have children do someday. I hope that I am honorary aunt to every single one of those children. However, the fact that you are happy that way does not give you a right to any say in what makes other people happy.

Honestly, think about exactly how you would feel if someone told you that you should have never had kids, or that you shouldn’t want them in your future? Just imagine.. All you want in life is to have a happy family. You know that is what would make you feel content and whole, and yet every time you talk about your plans for the future, you are met on all sides by opposition?

It is so damaging to tell a person that their feelings aren’t valid. And it's a lot of pressure, being constantly told that you should and will eventually want something. It makes me feel as though I won't ever be a fully accomplished and respected person if I don't do this one thing that is expected of me, and that is completely unfair and harmful. You may not be trying to hurt someone with your encouragement, but just think about what that encouragement implies.

Stating that one does not want kids is not a cry for help. It is not them pleading in subtext, “I am so scared of my future and I need you to tell me that I shouldn’t be scared of having kids and I will be a good parent pleeeease fix meee!!!” We don’t need you to help us grow up. We most definitely do not need to be laughed at.

I've seen a lot written about this. It makes me feel good to see other young people expressing themselves about this matter. But often it seems that people on the other side of this think that those on my side are expressing ours feelings in a way that is too harsh.

Well.. harshness seems to be the only tactic so far that gets anyone to listen, and even begin to understand our reasons as valid.

We really shouldn't even need reasons to defend our feelings. I ask people with children or the desire to have them, how often do you feel you have to defend yourself about this? How many times do you rehearse your list of reasons for this choice in the very possible case that your desires and dreams are challenged?

I don’t want everyone in the world to stop having children. I don’t fear children. I don’t hate children. I just don’t see them there when I imagine my own future.

Maybe I will change my mind. Maybe I’ll look back at these statements some day with my baby on my lap and laugh. I don’t imagine that I will. But even if that were to happen, it doesn't make my current feelings (or those of anyone else like me) any less valid or deserving of respect. If I do ever have kids, I know that I will be adopting them. Either way, the only person that should be concerned about that is me.