Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a category of depression that appears usually in winter as a result of the changing season; the cold, the lack of sunlight, shorter days, and the stress of the holidays. It is caused by both biological factors-- a significant drop in the amount of Vitamin D in the system has been linked to increased feelings of depression-- as well as situational factors, such as intense dislike for the cold, anxiety due to the weather, and schedule shifts caused by traveling or having visitors for the holidays. Whatever the cause, SAD is a serious disorder that affects an estimated 10% of the population.
I am sitting in my room attempting to write an article. I initially turned on music that I love, but it has long since shifted to something I am unfamiliar with; I do not have the energy to change it. Several blankets lay across my lap, none of them covering more than a small section of me. I do not know what to write next; my eyes continually slide out of focus and, though I realize I am zoning out, I cannot convince myself to return to the real world. I do not know what day of the week it is. My laptop clock says 9:40 P.M. but I cannot gather the mental processes to make any sense of that-- so I'm not quite sure what part of the day it is.
I have been home for nearly a week. Since I have returned, I have been sleeping in random shifts of anywhere from 12-19 hours. Currently I have been awake for somewhere around a full day. I am nearing exhaustion yet I am too tired to sleep. That may not make sense in essence, but there are likely millions of people who would understand this feeling completely. Since the weather has turned, and classes have finished, I feel as if I have been deactivated. My mental capacities were running full force, all day every day, in an attempt to finish up my finals and get ready for the break. Now, I have nothing to do, nothing for my mind to work on. I am away from my college friends and I didn't keep very many close ties back home. I have been asleep more often than not, and when I am awake I am still exhausted. I am never hungry yet always eating. I have so many things I could be doing, yet I have spent several hours at a time just staring into space.
I am depressed.
I'm not the only one who gets this way. Several people even within my immediate friend group have felt these things. There is no treatment for SAD that is concrete; there are talk therapies, light therapies, and medications all aimed towards alleviating symptoms of seasonal depression. This winter, I have opted for none of these. My counselor is two hours away since I'm home for the holidays, light therapies are, according to my research, not proven and not always safe, and I don't want to mess with trying a new medication at the moment.
The things I am trying to help myself be okay this winter are less clinical, and more personal. It is difficult, because I do not have the energy even for the things that I love. However, once I manage to get going, I'm pretty good at staying busy. I'll be keeping myself busy by painting, reading, sleeping, piano, singing, brightly colored children's shows on Netflix, and with a lot of support from my friends (as well as those blessed times I get to spend with the ones who happen to live fairly close). I am counting down the hours, minutes, seconds-- until I go back to school, to have a daily routine that will help to stabilize me in the tail end of the cold months. However, I am also taking it one hour at a time
You are all capable of getting through this, no matter what you may be going through-- and remember. You don't have to be actively advancing to be doing well. Sometimes, surviving is a large enough accomplishment as it is.
Keep on keeping on.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
Suicide Prevention Lifeline Chat: http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/...
