Procrastination is a fine art and like most art forms, it must be studied and practiced. However, to ease the learning curve of masterful procrastination, I have created a step-by-step instruction guide to teach a simple procrastination technique: The Wikipedia Spiral. Most useful during times of extreme stress and looming deadlines, The Wikipedia Spiral will let you feel productive while accomplishing absolutely nothing of value, perfect for finals week!
Step 1: The Beginning
While reading a very important scholastic article for the term paper due in six hours, try to suddenly notice an unknown word or phrase or historical event. “What is this strange thing,” you have to exclaim, and immediately open the trusty Wikipedia. Remember, this will not be a quick detour, so dive on in.
Step 2: The Descent
The second step in The Wikipedia Spiral is finding another link in the article that catches your fancy. Anything will do, as long as it has absolutely no relevance to the work you are procrastinating. Once you have reached this point, you cannot turn back. You might feel the urge to actually do your work. Fight it! You’ve come this far, you can master procrastination!
Step 3: Downward Spiral
This is it. One more step to be fully within the clutches of The Wikipedia Spiral. This step is very simple, just repeat Step 2 until you have countless tabs open, have gone from the Saluki to the Vietnamese Balut, and have a deep understand of American horse stud registries, Secretariat, and the Great Vowel Shift. Now just one thing…
Step 4: Blind Panic
You spent five hours on Wikipedia; what have you done?! What did you expect? You now posses great knowledge of Mongolian horse culture, the War of the Roses, and learned countless useless facts, but that paper isn't going to write itself. Now hurry, you have 57 minutes to write a 12 page paper that’s worth 30 percent of your final grade, what could possibly go wrong?
