As I have gotten older, I have really begun to value having a couple close friends who I can confide in no matter what. I think it is so unbelievably important to have a good support group; people you know will have your back no matter what life hurls your way. I have been blessed to have one best friend who has been by my side since the fourth grade, even when we’re miles apart. I have another one who lives out of the state, and you would never know we go months upon months without seeing each other. Since the start of my early twenties, I have added to this support system with some wonderful people who really care for my well-being, and I for theirs. But the early twenties have also brought the worst form of heartbreak I have ever experienced, and that is because I had to face the harsh reality that some of the people I have spent years investing in are only fair weather friends.
Everyone has them, that friend who seems to only be there when they need you or it’s convenient to them. This year especially, I am finally beginning to see who these people are in my life, and how much stress and sadness they have caused me trying to salvage a relationship that only has effort coming from one side. It has taken me almost twenty-one years to realize that unfortunately, there is nothing I can do to make these people try as hard as I’m trying to make the friendship last.
Fair weather friends tend to come with a couple of warning signs. They probably refer to you as their best friend, and when you guys do hang out it’s probably great. Most of the people I’ve identified as fair weather friends were people I grew up with, people whom I have known a large majority of my life. So of course, it just seems natural that they would continue to be a presence in my life. But just because someone has always been a part of your life, does not mean they should necessarily stay in it.
These types of friends will gradually stop making effort to hang out with you. I noticed that the only times I was able to see these people was after I reached out to them (and was rejected many times), before their schedule finally allowed them to see me. There was no mutual effort, no compromise on the other end. Whereas I was brainstorming any possible ways to see my "best friends." But you better believe, the second they’re in a hard spot or can’t find anyone else to hang out with, they’re sure to come running to you, old reliable.
Eventually, it gets old and tiring to be someone’s backup plan when you thought you shared an unbreakable bond. My heart has been torn apart multiple times over the last year due to the loss of friends I thought I would never lose. The saddest part is, some of these fair weather friends have no idea they have "lost" me. They’re going on with their lives, and I know eventually they will call or text to say, “I miss you! Let’s hangout!” And of course, unless you make the effort and are persistent, said hanging out will never happen.
I have finally realized I cannot keep bending over backwards for people who are not even willing to take an extra step for me. So, though it has been a painful process, I believe it is very important to evaluate the people in your life and see who is a true, constant friend and who only wants to be your friend at their convenience. Then stop making the extra effort, stop stressing yourself out trying to hold onto a friendship that is only being pursued on one side. In the long run, you’ll save a lot of time and energy and be able to concentrate on continuing to grow and build new healthy friendships.
