Learning lessons from your past relationships and experiences does not mean the same thing as comparing your past relationships to your present one.

“My ex was crazy,” is something that I have heard from both girls and guys many times. Our society has developed these labels where girls basically think every guy is a player, or guys think that every other college girl sleeps around. We place labels about the opposite gender, and when we are proven right by them, then it only makes us believe that these stereotypes are more and more accurate.

The thing that we must remember, though, is that if you have ever been labeled or classified by either of these terms, you are not alone. It simply is also just a wave or phase of life (mostly in your early 20’s.) The problem is, though, is that what one guy may classify a girl as crazy or clingy, another guy may classify her as being normal. It depends on our past relationships, and some of us may view our exes as stepping stones and it just simply didn’t work out. On the opposite spectrum, it may take a miracle for you to ever be able to put yourself out there again after you feel like you have been torn down to the ground over and over again.

One girl may have met a ton of Prince Charming’s, whereas her friends may simply just get hurt over and over again, wondering if love will ever knock at their doorstep. Many men put up walls after they’ve been heart broken, and they never quite fully get over it as easily or as quickly as females do.

It is important to learn from our past experiences and to be able to grow from them. However, when the next person comes along and you start dating, it is okay to remember what you learned from your past but you must not, MUST NOT compare your past relationships with your future ones.

In order to stop yourself from comparing your ex to your next, here are some very crucial reminders:

This person is not your ex.

Your ex is part of your past for a reason. You obviously got over them with time, and you slowly become ready to date again. Your new partner deserves a clean slate, they weren’t involved in your past. Give them a chance, and the respect that they deserve.

Even if your new lover shares some characteristics as your past lover did, they are not the same person. It isn't even scientifically possible, they do not share the same DNA.

You are dating again for a reason.

There is something about this new person in your life that made you want to come out of your shell and date again. They have reminded you what it is like to feel anxious and have butterflies in your stomach. This person has made you want to try the dating scene again, and that clearly says a lot. Hang onto this person… he or she is a keeper.

Keeping your guard up will only do more harm than good.

It is okay to have your guard up a little at first, or to be a tad uneasy. This only makes you human. However, unless you want the same process to keep happening over and over again, this is time for you to make a change, and take a chance at finding love again. There may be some reasons you struggled with trust in the past, but this person never gave you a reason not to trust them.

Stay positive and look at this as a great new beginning. Trust in GOD and have faith in everything that can go right. This person may be the one that you were lead to, and they may be the one that helps you see the light in times of darkness.

Life simply just is too short to waste time.

Tomorrow is not guaranteed. When you can’t stop thinking about this new person, TELL THEM. You have learned that the mind games and playing hard to get did not get you anywhere. It is okay to be flirtatious, but do not be a tease. Real men and women show their true feelings.

Take risks, rather than hiding under a rock forever. Become an even more life-fulfilled person each day. Be optimistic about the future.

Taking the time to TRULY get to know them makes a difference.

When you feel as though you can't see anything blossoming between the two of you in the future, then yes, cutting things off sooner than later and being honest is the best way to go. BUT, it is not fair to you or the other person to simply cut it off too early if you saw yourself liking them in the first place. This is when we start to compare our past relationships with our future ones. We give up too soon when we think it is going to be a messy and emotional round two experience, but too soon means that you are just labeling that person as the last one.

Don’t forget, that maybe they have had a lot of really bad experiences, and they do not know how to overcome those either. You can work on that together as a team.

There is a turning point for everyone, some people sooner rather than later, or vice versa. The time where you meet someone who you finally like enough to date when you wanted to stay single, someone who is going to be your supporter, someone who can make you laugh when you have had the worst day ever or when you did poorly on that test that you spent numerous hours studying for.

If you have always had trust issues because all of your past relationships gave you reasons not to trust ever again, then you will never get anywhere. If you’ve struggled with communicating, then challenge yourself to go out on a limb and communicate more.

If we never take risks and try, we are just going to end up spinning around and around on this merry go round that we can never get off of.