So I downloaded Tinder. Yeah, that Tinder. I made sure to upload flawless selfies, have a witty bio and am aware of my left/right swipe ratio, yet I'm either not matching with people or they're not messaging me when we match.

Now before you think this is a desperate plea for a relationship or friends with benefits, let's get something right; I'm not looking for a relationship.

Okay, so sometimes my single life gets the best of me, but I'm still staying single.Through my various boredom swipes I've come to find that Tinder is actually very annoying. Part of the problem is the idea of "meeting" people online, but the other half is the profiles I've seen on Tinder. How do I know that you are the smudge in the upper right hand corner of your group sorority photo? Do you do anything other than have a red solo cup in your right hand? Is the bathroom the only place your camera works? Why did you ask me what I'm wearing if you're "just looking for friends?"

I find myself looking more and more like NPH with every new day and every swipe. Needless to say, some Tinder profiles need work; that's why I'm here to help you.

Where to begin? Let's start somewhere easy...

Pictures:

I get it; you're in Greek life. I am so happy that it is something important to you, but please don't make every picture about your sorority or fraternity. Pro tip: Make your first pic a selfie so we have a basis to start with when looking at the rest of your pictures. This way, when you share a picture of you and your big we can easily identify which is you. It's no fun playing the guessing game of "Which One Are They?" because all of the pictures you posted are group pictures (no matter how flawless you all may look).

Use your pictures to tell us a little about yourself, because your bio box is limited to 500 characters. Have any fun activities you like to do? Hiking? Taking intentionally ugly Snapchats? Acting? Pole Dancing? Can you play the piano? Try showing some pictures of you in your element, you being you, and of course leave room for pictures of you and your friends. Once you have the perfect collection of pictures, move on to your...

Bio:

You've got 500 characters for your bio. There is no possible way you can mess this up. Believe me, some people have messed up their bios. I could create an entire article on the gross things people have said on Tinder (and I'm sure it's already been done), but I will spare you the potential blinding. Remember those Greek life photos I asked you to delete? Take that lost information and insert it into your bio. By using complete sentences (GASP) or the Greek keyboard, you can tell us what your affiliation with Greek life is. It is also helpful to make a joke or two in your Tinder bio. By looking at pictures, we get a sense of what you look like and what you like to do, but we don't get a sense of your voice. True, we can't hear you through your bio, but I can tell what language skills you may or may not have through your writing.

Take this chance to impress us. Don't write the beginning of the next New York Times Bestseller, but use sentences or another organized way to tell us what you're into, what you're looking for or what you have accomplished. Pro tip: If you tell me what you're looking for in your bio, I don't have to ask if you're here for just friends or something more. Got any other social media or a blog that you run? Link us to it! Got any awesome writing or artwork portfolios? Tell us where to go so we can see more of what you do! Feel free to add where you might work, where you go to school and what you're studying!

Now that your bio is amazing, let's look at...

Things You've Liked on Facebook:

Believe it or not, I do look at what interests we have in common. Wait...you like "Anthony Burgess", "Hiking" and *insert name of that cute cafe in downtown here*? Alright, I'll swipe right. In the Facebook likes, we see what movies we like, what bands we have in common, what embarrassing pages we liked in eighth grade and so much more. I'm more likely to swipe right on someone with multiple similar interests. Pro tip: this also helps me start with something more interesting than "Hey" or "wyd?" in our initial messages. Use your Facebook likes to your (and my) advantage.

After you've gone through and found things on Facebook that you like, that's pretty much it. Do a double check of your pics and grammar. Make sure there's no pimples or misplaced modifiers! You are now ready to swipe and meet and dot dot dot as you please.