I'm nearing the end of my freshman year at the very liberal, Kalamazoo College. I've learned so much about social justice and met so many fellow feminists that I'm proud to call my friends. But I've also heard, "getting married is giving into the patriarchy", so many times that I feel I have to say something about it.

I'm a die hard feminist and I have been since I was 5 years old and said I was going to be the first woman to play for the Detroit Tigers. I was raised by two amazing people who both taught me that women are strong and in no way inferior to men. One of the people that encouraged my feminism the most was in fact my father, who has never forced a gender role on me in my life. I am as fortunate to have had parents who surrounded me with feminists as a child as I am to attend an institution where I can surround myself with feminists as an adult.

But in all my experience being around feminists, men or women, never once did anyone tell me that being a feminist meant I shouldn't get married. I've never heard my mother, a woman with a PhD and extreme self respect, say that by marrying my father she gave up anything. In fact, to this day, I've never witnessed my mother or any of my friends' mothers who are married be put down for their choice to have a spouse. They all having loving and respectful relationships in which their husbands are one of the happiest parts of their lives.

And therein lies my first and foremost problem with the "marriage is giving into the patriarchy" statement. It is a choice. It was those women's choices to get married. It is my choice to get married. As a woman, as a man, as whatever gender(s) you identify with, it is your CHOICE whether or not you want to spend your life married or single or in a committed relationship. I'm extremely grateful to have that choice and I am aware that many women across the globe are not allowed that privilege. But I don't believe it is fair to forfeit or bash your opportunities because others do not have them. Instead of criticizing those that are able to choose to be married, we should be fighting for every woman to have a choice. And maybe, just maybe, we should be a little more grateful that we have the privilege to choose at all.

My point is, it's just as oppressive for a woman to tell me it's wrong for me to get married as it is for a man to tell me it's wrong not to get married. Bottom line, don't tell me what I can or can't do or that my choice will haunt me. Because guess what? My choice doesn't really impact you at all.

My second issue with this statement is that it totally dismisses all the benefits of having a spouse. Besides the obvious benefits, like spending the rest of your life with someone you love to bits, there are other issues that being married solves. For example, what if you don't want to raise your child by yourself? I'm not saying whatsoever that it is wrong to raise a child on your own, in fact it's an incredibly courageous and commendable thing to do. But no one can deny that it's a hell of a lot harder than raising one with someone by your side. Aside from the numerous touchy-feely benefits of marriage, there are things like money. It's sometimes incredibly financially smart to be married.

The third problem I have with this claim is that I highly doubt the "feminists" telling me I'd be giving into the patriarchy by getting married, are saying that to same sex couples. So, why is it different if my bisexual friend gets married? Why is she not "submitting to the patriarchy" by getting married? Love is love, right? Then marriage should be marriage. If you love someone, it's your choice to spend the rest of your life lawfully wedded to them. You shouldn't have to feel like you have to explain your love choices to anyone because, honestly, it's none of their damn business if they don't want to be supportive.

Now, this is not to say that I don't agree that traditional wedding vows are sexist, patriarchal and frankly, abhorrent. I agree with that 100 percent. But the thing is, I don't have to say those vows. I can write my own. I do not plan on being my husband's property just as much as I do not intend on failing out of college. Neither of those things will happen because I don't want them to. So, while the point on vows was valid when weddings were first invented, it's kind of not now that I can make up my own.

I believe getting married can make a woman stronger. I believe marriage is a right that all people should have, period. I believe we only give into the patriarchy when we allow ourselves to be influenced by the negative thoughts of others concerning what women should or shouldn't do. So believe what you want and so will I. And if you don't think I'm a feminist because I want that life, I guess I won't have to invite you to my wedding!