I am 24 years old. Twenty-four years old, and I talk with my friends about death at least once a week. I ruminate on the idea more than twice each day, hear about it on the news all the time.
In the beginning I thought of myself as ridiculous for doing so and blamed it on my past experiences:
- Almost drowning twice
- Someone almost choking me to death
- A "friend" breaking into my apartment and sexually assaulting me
- Traveling around the world, encountering a few volatile situations
- Recklessly driving a vehicle beyond speed limits
Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera -- merely living is risking death.
When of all these failed to explain it, I attributed all death's weight to condensing ten years of "growing up" into one year as a foreign teacher abroad with no language skills, no friends, and living in isolation. Maybe this brought on the cycle of pondering the end - ceasing to exist. That might help ease other qualms, but still - that wasn't it.
I am 24 years old.
I'm no more important than anyone else. Invincibility is behind me - I can't survive everything and anything. I won't be here forever.
Honestly, this is the prime time in my life to think about death.
How could I believe otherwise in 2017?
A shooting at the Fort Lauderdale airport just happened - another one for the count I lost months ago.
Celebrities and friends alike overdose on drugs; the difference is the news report.
People are beaten to death for their skin color.
Both the young and old die in their sleep.
Heart attacks are everywhere, any age, and I might be next.
Even if I jog and participate in yoga classes, cancer may appear. I might have it now for all I know.
I am not living in a country besieged by bombings. But someone may age is/was/continues to be. I may be soon.
Half of my family lives in a country where the president supports the killing of people assumed/linked to illegal drugs. My president doesn't kill people for their assumed affiliation with illegal drugs. He doesn't make a competition for it either. Does not change the fact that the environment exists.
I am 24 years old.
Death is all around. Do people see it like I do?
When I think about death, it's like an idea that passes through me. I project the thought and then like a ghost it floats through my being until it carries on behind me. No feelings of disturbance.
Today's world, depending on your lot, guarantees you death but never a time. Acknowledge this, and I think you have a great tool on your hands. Work towards thinking two steps ahead of everything you do.
Take a daily task:
You're driving down the road. Should you be looking elsewhere, a car may cross your path. Should your life come to its final close, are you okay with that? Whatever you were on your way to do, did you really want to do that?
It's that commonplace. A truck rams into a store window; a ceiling caves in on top of you. I work on the 23rd floor of a building and find myself looking out wondering: is this the day the building topples on top of itself? Would I be okay with that?
I find myself cycling through two questions:
1. Is this the moment where I get to ponder death or where I get to experience it?
2. Do I worry or fear the unknown time of my death while living in a guaranteed moment?
I know the answer to the second. I may never know the answer to the first.
I guess I just get to cherish everything a little more with each pondering thought.
