Hi, my name is Emily, and I’m addicted to slam poems. I would say that slam poetry is a guilty pleasure of mine, but I don’t feel guilty about it. I’m amazed at how creative, funny, and personal these poems can be while still discussing relevant topics. I have a couple old favorites that I’ll rewatch whenever I pull up Button Poetry, but I find a new poem I like every time that I get lost in the suggestions bar on YouTube.
The last time I binge-watched slam, I found one called "The Friend Zone." I already knew I didn’t like the term, but seeing this video made me reflect on the idea of the friend zone even more. Although I had seen another video on the topic, this poem brought up a new point—how and why would anyone complain about being somewhere called the friend zone?
For those unfamiliar with the term, it’s a phrase people use to describe a platonic relationship in which one person harbors unrequited love for the other. It is often used to describe the case in which a boy pines over a girl, and even though he does everything he can to be a good friend to her, she doesn’t reciprocate his feelings.
At first glance, the friend zone doesn’t seem dangerous. However, at its root, the friend zone normalizes the concept that if a boy is a good friend to a girl and he develops romantic interest in her, she owes him something. The friend zone is a result of the “nice guy” complex in which so-called “nice guys” think they “finish last” because no girl is expressing interest in dating him.
The stereotypical “nice guy” complains that girls are always drawn to the dangerous boys who don’t treat them well, but in doing so, they undermine the fact that the girl always has the right to make that choice. Romantic relationships—and all other relationships—are not a one-way street. If one half of the party is not interested, it’s definitely not going to work out.
The worst part is that the friend zone is not created by the one who rejects. No one puts anyone else in the friend zone—you put yourself there. The friend zone is a mystical place full of people who have been denied sexual gratification for being decent human beings and then choose to wallow in self-pity by blaming the one who spurned their affections.
The concept makes it seem like friendship is an undesired outcome, but a good friendship is one of the most rewarding relationships we can form. So to anyone who uses this term, think about the underlying message next time. Instead of regarding the friend zone as a punishment, be grateful for the friendships you have established because I bet they're pretty awesome.
