Withdrawing myself from my sorority last spring was not exactly an easy thing to do. The tangible process of withdrawing was simple, but the emotional capacity of letting go of what I was comfortable with was more challenging than I expected it would be.

I did not quit my sorority for financial reasons, because I didn’t love the girls I was friends with, or because I was angry with the leadership placed over me. I believe in what a sorority stands for-- philanthropy, womanhood, involvement, academic achievement. Sororities are great if you pledge with the mindset of becoming a better woman. Through pledging and being involved in my sorority I acquired leadership skills and motivation to thrive academically, however due to my previously unstable foundation in my walk with Jesus, I wasn’t reaching my full potential because my focus wasn’t placed on what good would come of it, but on my selfishness and irresponsibility.

I pledged into my sorority without direction. I had no desire to become a better person by allowing my sisters to influence me and because of this, I was cast into a sea of what I could not handle, slowing down the process of becoming the woman I would. This was not because of the sorority itself but because of what I allowed to influence me after joining. Rather than seeking the girls in the sorority who were striving to be successful and seek a pure future, I sought out the ones (not all, but some) who held a lesser standard and would more easily accept the sloppy lifestyle I would begin to live.

Shortly after getting acquainted with students around campus and in organizations, I began attending parties and getting involved in things that would not further my growth in any way whatsoever. No one forced me to do anything that I was doing, but because I had no solid foundation of who I wanted to become I was easily influenced by those around me.

It was not until a year later that I realized where I was, how I was living and how it was affecting my family and I. I was raised in church, and believed in God but had fallen from seeking him wholeheartedly. I immediately realized He was the common denominator and it was because I had lost sight of Him that my world felt as if it were falling to shambles—and I had no one to blame but myself.

After quitting, I wholeheartedly chased Jesus. I didn't know where to start besides prayer – lots and lots of prayer. I was desperate in my pursuit. There were times after quitting the sisterhood that I did feel lonely. I didn't have friends at the time. I stopped hanging out with everyone in fear that the path I was now striving for would be redirected. I did not go about quitting in the best way, I realize now, and for that I am sorry. However, it cannot be undone so I move forward in the best way I know how: eyes set on Jesus.

After a few weeks I found myself becoming more involved in my church where I would eventually find an incredible friend group, further leadership opportunity and a place to serve.

If I would have had a stable foundation in Jesus, joining the sorority would have been an incredible thing for me to invest my time in. I could have taken advantage of leadership positions, job opportunities and incredible friendships. I would likely still be in the sorority thriving, being influenced and influencing others. Instead, after realizing I would never grow in the state I was in, I quit the sorority. I later realized God had been working behind the scenes; He was just waiting on me to open my eyes to where I was so He could take me where He wanted me.

Although I would have preferred a much easier path to take to end up where I am (staying close to Jesus, not partying and, as a result, not quitting my sorority), I do not regret withdrawing myself from where I was. Living recklessly and quitting my sorority wasn’t in God’s will for me, but like a sheep gone astray, he brought me back to the herd and turned my rebellion into righteousness and made me new.

I no longer have a sorority sisterhood but it never ceases to amaze me that God took me withdrawing myself and said “that’s okay, I have something better.” Where I’m at now isn’t better because of what makes up the sorority; it’s better because it’s what God used to shape and mold me to what He’s calling me too. I was able to refocus and renew my relationship with Him.

I am thankful for new beginnings. I am thankful that God takes broken people and restores them. I am thankful that God uses an ugly situation, selfish motives and flawed decision making to glorify His name and influence others for His glory.