Why Pessimist And Realists Are Happier Than Optimists

Why Pessimist And Realists Are Happier Than Optimists

With a low expectation for the world, pessimists thrive.

A while back I got into a dispute with my father about optimism and pessimism. I told my dad that he has too much faith in people and he told me I was negative. This led me to think about how the outlook of optimistic people on the world varied from that of pessimists/realists. I thought about whether my negative view on the world made me more susceptible to depression and jeopardized my relationships, but then I realized something; pessimists/realists are happier than most optimists. I considered the stereotype that optimists are always happy and satisfied with the world. Then I thought about my friend from high school "B." She would have such high expectations for every activity we got into, and as soon as things started to go bad she would fall into this state of wallowing and rage while I just nodded and shrugged. I didn't expect things to go perfect, I didn't expect people to always agree with us, so when things would fall apart, I would have a backup plan.

Living as a pessimist/realist is brighter than optimists would ever admit. The misconception about us is that we are dark on the inside. There is the idea that we have no faith in people, or in the good things that could happen, and frankly that just is not true. We view the world as it is, a messed up place where people tend to only think about themselves.

Let’s lay out a scenario:

You and a group of friends get invited out to a party by people you knew from high school. It is common knowledge that most parties thrown by this group of people do not end well. Despite this knowledge you need a night out and decide to go. You arrive at the party to find it dead and filled with wasted, irate guys fighting over a girl that doesn’t like either of them. Eventually the police come and the party gets shut down.

An optimist’s entire night feels ruined. They came out with the expectation of a good time and put all their faith in the idea that this would be the one night where nothing bad would happen. Unfortunately, they ran into nothing but hardships and drama. They tried to stay hopeful throughout the night, but one thing turned into a worse thing and everything fell apart.

A pessimist/realist is fully aware of the history of these people and came prepared for the worst. They came with the expectation they would get caught in a shootout. That didn’t happen, so we go home with a sense of security and relief that at least no one died tonight. The night for a pessimist turned out better than expected. We don’t set these expectations on the world that everyone will work together and no one will hurt each other. We go into a situation not expecting everything to be terrible but we don’t expect perfection either. For a pessimist/realist no matter which way a situation turns out we don’t feel affected negatively. We have low expectations and find that we were either right from the beginning and feel content or we were wrong and feel pleasantly surprised by the outcome.

There you have it. Pessimists and realists are happier than optimists. We don’t expect much, therefore, it doesn’t take much to please us. Don't be so afraid to see the world the way it is. Join us on the dark side, it's much brighter here.

Cover Image Credit: Vladimir Makovsky

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.

Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

Suicidal thoughts are thought of in such black-and-white terms. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is there are some stuck in the gray area of those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble, and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead. You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling, whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die?" or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you. You are not alone.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255

Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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In Real Life, 'Plus Size' Means A Size 16 And Up, Not Just Women Who Are Size 8's With Big Breasts

The media needs to understand this, and give recognition to actual plus-size women.


Recently, a British reality dating TV show called "Love Island" introduced that a plus-sized model would be in the season five lineup of contestants. This decision was made after the show was called out for not having enough diversity in its contestants. However, the internet was quick to point out that this "plus-size model" is not an accurate representation of the plus-size community.

@abidickson01 on twitter.com

Anna Vakili, plus-size model and "Love Island "Season 5 Contestant Yahoo UK News

It is so frustrating that the media picks and chooses women that are the "ideal" version of plus sized. In the fashion world, plus-size starts at size 8. EIGHT. In real life, plus-size women are women who are size 16 and up. Plunkett Research, a marketing research company, estimated in 2018 that 68% of women in America wear a size 16 to 18. This is a vast difference to what we are being told by the media. Just because a woman is curvy and has big breasts, does NOT mean that they are plus size. Marketing teams for television shows, magazines, and other forms of media need to realize that the industry's idea of plus size is not proportionate to reality.

I am all for inclusion, but I also recognize that in order for inclusion to actually happen, it needs to be accurate.

"Love Island" is not the only culprit of being unrealistic in woman's sizes, and I don't fully blame them for this choice. I think this is a perfect example of the unrealistic expectations that our society puts on women. When the media tells the world that expectations are vastly different from reality, it causes women to internalize that message and compare themselves to these unrealistic standards.

By bringing the truth to the public, it allows women to know that they should not compare themselves and feel bad about themselves. Everyone is beautiful. Picking and choosing the "ideal" woman or the "ideal" plus-size woman is completely deceitful. We as a society need to do better.

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